Overload

I have recently spent two short periods away from Facebook and have been almost frightened to log back in because of what I will have to catch up on. I don’t think anyone misses me but I do keep in touch with the ones that matter on Facebook Messenger.

I do have a problem with having too many things to keep track of which is why I often turn down invitations to groups. I am a member of maybe five Facebook Vocal groups and that is my limit. After prompting from various people I fully joined Medium , but just have the time to try and get new followers.

Essentially I write because I want to write , not to pursue followers or make money. The Vocal Facebook groups have given me an audience, and I value that immensely , without them I would not be writing, although my Muse is the spark behind almost everything I write.

But I have to limit myself so that I can give my best wherever I really want to give.

I feel guilty when I see Vocal friends publishing series or repetitive items and I feel I cannot read them , part of my goldfish mindset and the fact that I love finding new things. I do dip into some series and just read the chapter and usually enjoy and leave a comment and heart , and I recently read Ana Redulescu’s book “LIGHT and Darkness' ' and read that through and reviewed it here. So I am not averse to longer reads but am averse to what I see as repetition even though it isn't necessarily really repetitive.

I produced a piece called “Don’t Overwhelm” here about how I have done this in the past but hopefully learned a lesson and now I don’t pile things on to people.

Because I can’t deal with too many things I then start to feel that I cannot ask people to read anything but new things or pieces they have asked for. So I can’t remember the last time I shared my Vocal profile , I do not say how many reads I have had or subscriptions I have and feel that people are becoming less interested in me , probably because I am not the new kid on the block and have never written a book (yet).

I see people with Vocal Top Stories and am happy for them , but still slightly jealous because I know that Vocal doesn't see me as even adequate for that. However that is more than dealt with by the feedback I get from my Vocal friends and as I have said many times I would rather have my friends’ feedback than a Top Story.. Maybe Vocal have seen that and said , OK that’s fine by us.

So this is an apology , if I don’t read or comment on a story , if I don’t reply to a comment , or don't follow a series , it’s really that I just cannot take it. It makes me feel uncaring and a bit of a failure , but I then start putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard and the words start to flow.

I am in a good place but wanted people to know how I feel at times. I do try to be there for others and I do have some amazing people there for me (one in particular and you all know who that is).

So as usual we are going to lead in with a song , and it was going to be “Overload” by The Sugababes but I decided to go a bit homophonic with the lovely “Overlord” by The Dirty Projectors.