"You should smile more "

A few weeks ago, I was at the dmv and a random man had the audacity to tell me "why aren't you smiling, you should smile more". I was so appalled by that man, but even more by myself because instead of putting him in his place I awkwardly laughed. This guy probably went home satisfied with himself. Looking back at it I feel sick. He. caught me by surprise but I should have been faster and clap back at him or even insult him.

The thing is, I'm far from being the only girl who has experienced a similar situation. Not to be dramatic, but this particular scenario is one of the many fruits of patriarchy. Why do women always have to look pleasant in public ? Society have been pushing this narative that women owe men in general a good attitude. Some of you may think "It's not that deep". Well it is. To fight a patriarchal society we have to talk about every problem, including the ones that seem smaller at first glance such as this topic. How many of you can tell me an anecdote about a man telling another man he doesn’t know to smile ? Or even better, how many of you can tell me about seeing a woman telling a men to smile ? Probably none of you. That is my point . On the flip side when a woman is seen as "too frindly" by a man, he quickly assumes that she's romantically interested in him. And when his delusional thoughts turn out not to be true, he often gets angry at the woman, leading to insults, public humiliation, v*olence, s*xual agression or even m*rder. Women basically can't win.


Studies on workplace perception have shown that women who display authority are more likely to be perceived as less likable than men who behave the exact same way. Even in media representation, ambitious and motivated male characters are admired, while ambitious and motivated female characters are frequently portrayed as manipulative or emotionally rigid. How dare they want more in life than being a constantly smiling little housewife ? They must be witches 😒. On social media, we see the same pattern: a man who speaks firmly is “confident,” but a woman who speaks the same way is quickly called aggressive (especially black women).These reactions are not random. They reflect deeply rooted expectations about how women are “supposed” to behave: soft, smiling, accommodating and what happens when they refuse to fit that role.

So the real question is: why must women constantly soften themselves to be accepted? Why is seriousness a sign of professionalism for men but a personality flaw for women? Why are women expected to smile more, speak more gently, and make themselves smaller, while men are rarely asked to do the same? If competence is valued, why does it suddenly become threatening when it comes from a woman? Perhaps the issue is not women being “too serious,” but society being uncomfortable with women who do not prioritize being pleasant over being powerful. And maybe it is time to question not women’s attitudes, but the standards used to judge them.