Memories: 12 February 2026

It’s enough to make Medusa’s hair curl….ohhh wait….right!

12 February 2026

8:11 am A good result. Another hot day yawns ahead. I woke up, from sleeping in the middle of my bed. Not hugging the edge of my beautiful queen sized bed like I usually do. This too is a good sign. Hugging the edge is when I am trauma activated and I have been sleeping that way for months.

Hopefully I am beginning to heal myself again. Time will tell. It’s always such a hurdy gurdy ride through life. Like an arseless artless Heyoka, constantly out of sync with the rest of the world, and given the times we are living in, that is actually a good thing.

Yesterday was a bit of a struggle with the heat, but I went shopping, bought some more brita water filters, and spent way too much money (Psy sighs) then later made a baba ganoush.

I devoured half of it very late last night. But it was cold and smooth and soothing on my tongue. So I needed that mouth feel I guess.

I am just synapsing…the cicadas are LOUD. Wow! It’s a beautiful morning but the heat is humming in invisible waves of intensity. Building to a crescendo. Then suddenly the cicadas go silent. Dogs barking, cars whooshing. Birds singing.

I am alive.

…

https://youtu.be/hLI_NLY6Os0?si=hn1QIh5NIku6_Awl

https://youtu.be/N2AZ-zOHX3w?si=tEetXZFW5zPbAaSc

…

5:09 pm storm incoming….that’ll break the back of some of today’s bloody heat. Hallelujah! Stay safe though. I think it might just be a doozy!

…

6:35 pm it’s been a scathing hot day. But I managed to clean the fishpond filter and now there is a storm blowing through. However, so far….not much rain which I am hoping for a good drenching for the garden, and to break the heat up.

12 February 2025

9:01 am. Good morning. Another day in “Paradise”. What Magick shall we weave out of this gorgeous day? Only the gods can know!

…

…

Working on Luke William’s (Mr Likka’s) Merkabah pendant. I hope it works out! Nervous as hell! It needs to dry for 48 hours then I will torch fire it. Eeek! I have never worked with silver clay before so I hope I don’t melt it. This is 10 gms of Art Silver Clay so I can’t afford to mess this up.

12 February 2023

Whilst I agree about not playing G-d and interfering with Natural law or the laws of nature, and the Covid Programme was utterly utterly abhorrent, I disagree about this being conflated with transsexual people (adults) wishing to change their hormones and biology. It is their right to choose their gender and orientation.

I once had a friend who was an endocrinologist who became very very rich from conducting sexchange operations (he prescribed the hormones for this). Such operations were then rare, expensive and involved years of therapy before the patient involved could be permitted to undergo them.

My own therapist works with trans children who are often suicidal from being forced to live in gender roles they find themselves unable to live with, in their own bodies and minds, and even spirit. They become actively suicidal!

So whilst I agree with Dr Malone on the other scientific horrific malfeasances (one of which he personally engineered and now has regrets….psy sighs…rightfully so!) he is attacking an entire subset of humans who are unable to live with their gender roles.

No…it must never be hijacked by globalists or media as a “fashion trend”.

A male one year, a female the next then back to a male with castration or other side effects from hormones. This is not a game to be played lightly. It should not have ever become a Wokist agenda either and for love of all the gods…stop raping and mutilating little children and let them make adult decisions about their now…adult bodies when that time arises.

Stop also the covidian insane cults which are equally dangerous and damaging. Stop ALL BIO weapons. Stop poisoning our food sources: livestock and agriculture and eliminate all nuclear weaponry.

The great reset is here. We are being culled on a daily basis on a multi-pronged attack that makes that spike protein look like a deformed toy. But it’s not a game or child’s play.

This is our reality. Oh and shut down those monstrous dimension damaging bastards at CERN while we are on this topic. I want real timelines and decent honourable HUMAN people back. If there’s anyone left with even a fragment of their soul.…

…

Haha Zip pay just tried to seduce or lure me into signing up for a higher credit. I almost nibbled at that bait too. Primarily because I urgently need $440 to fix my front brakes. Then another $50-100 to rotate the tyres and get a wheel Balance (need new tyres soonishy too).

Then I need $400 for gas and firebricks for my silversmithing. I am already paying off almost a thousand dollars on zip pay. Which is feasible.

But I don’t want to run up more debts. So the brakes have to wait until I get my advance in mid-May. The other things can wait until then too. I feel frustrated, stymied, atrophied and crushed by fate.

But it is what it is.

I almost fell for the temptation…in fact it felt sickly sweet in my energy meridians. Too sickly, too sweet. Trying to lure me into higher debt when my pension has not increased is a malfeasant bad practise that can only lead to further financial catastrophes.

A form of genocide as now my energy costs are going up exponentially I can barely exist on this planet, nevermind carry further debt.

So I had to unsubscribe to that fertile fingering of fate.

I will continue as much as possible to honour my best financial practise: cash up no tic.

It’s kinda insane how these companies are luring already poor and struggling people to run up more debt.

I need to pay my own way and be pragmatic.

I even consider daily whether I need my car which I use rarely and costs me far more than I drive it. But I keep it as a rebellion against “the 15 minute city” ideology (read that as “ghettoes”) and I preserve my freedom and privilege to drive for as long as possible!

No one is coming to save me or take me on lovely road trips to Byron or anywhere or even partner with me. Only users and verminous parasites who were envious of my car, my heart, my freedom so wanted to destroy me.

So no…no debts. No liars, cheats or thieves may enter my orbit or create contracts in blood sweat or tears with me. I had decades of that abuse pursuant to which only the lawyers and governments prospered by that horror.

So hell no…I won’t go.

12 February 2021

Happy New Chinese Year. I pray the Metal Ox will treat us all with generousity, kindness and joy!

…

1:11 pm (second day in a row). Hallelujah Babies!

…

I had a lovely afternoon. A debrief with my psych, then a lovely visit from Margot and her darling little girls. We were all excited to see each other. Even Beauregard behaved nicely. (Except for one growl over his ball.)

Then we walked the girls home and I completed my walk around the ‘hood with my Beau. We stopped to chat to Pete and little Koko which was also lovely.

…

Funny story from earlier today:

So I felt like dressing up about today. I wore a pale blue lace top, my ancient (remade by Crystal) embroidered mexican skirt. I have had the embroidered component since I was 16 years old so it’s almost 40 years old. I wore my pale pink mules. Full makeup, even a bit of blue glitter (for whimsy!) to match my blue top.

I beaded my braid with my favourite silver European beads. I wore my necklaces, the Egyptian one and the long charm one (with my witchy charms!) also my wolf torc which I rarely take off on my left wrist, and on my right wrist, my silver bangle, which George from the casino gave me several years ago and which I also rarely take off.

I wore my two amber bead anklets on my left ankle and the new silver anklet I made out of the silver chain I bought in the secondhand shop on 25th Jan which I finally made up last night. I wore my lapis lazuli merkaba earrings. No rings as my hands felt swollen.

I arrive at the gym near where my psych works. I climb out of my car, get Bobo out of the back seat (he hates riding in the front seat!)

We walk quite briskly towards our destination. It’s very very hot and we are 20 minutes early.

Beau the dear, stops to have a slash on one of the bushes along the path. But all good. I got time.

Some older man (early 60s?) is walking towards us as we resume walking. He’s all Sweaty from his workout and has a towel slung around his neck. He stops and looks at us and yells out.

“That’s the best thing I have seen today!”

I grin inanely. He quickly recovers himself.

“I mean..the dog...you taking your dog to a gym...that’s just wild!”

I keep walking and shrug my way past. I sardonically reply “As if I would be caught dead going to a gym!” Half laughing, half-serious!

He replies “you’re all Good, Love, no worries there”. Haha I had to laugh. Men are such visual Creatures. Glad he liked my dog though!

…

I had a lovely afternoon. A debrief with my psych, then a lovely visit from Margot and her darling little girls. We were all excited to see each other. Even Beauregard behaved nicely. (Except for one growl over his ball.)

Then we walked the girls home and I completed my walk around the ‘hood with my Beau. We stopped to chat to Pete and little Koko which was also lovely.

12 February 2020

Well that was ...awkward. At least I was truthful and authentic. Yayy me. Fuck!

Apparently I am measured as a success... by my shoes.... (which cost $4 in an op shop). Lmao.

Really. What can I as a woman expect? Invalidation for my complex ptsd ++++ which somehow, astonishingly I wear with great pride.

….

I have thought about it. I am a raging sucksess after all. I survived my life without becoming a full blown drug addict, (although I was dependant on psych meds for 15 years and that shit is no fucking fun!).

I shuffled like a zombie for years, had Parkinsonian-type palsies and drooled...but I dragged myself back from that systemic abuse. The Bitch is Back, yes I am!

I courageously care about my truth and human decency and value. In spite of being raised by sexual predators.

I speak my truth even though it makes me a pariah.

Oh and in spite of everything and every abuser ...I like myself.

That too, is success.

…

Going to sleep the sleep of the reclaimed woman now. Safe in my own bed. In my government home provided for me after decades of abuse.

Safe as much as I can be in a world going mad and on the brink of its own destruction.

Listening to the rain. Proud and free. No matter what life threw at me (shit happens!)

…

Council or govt surveyors have been on my corner for two days. They were measuring my fenceline when I got home. I told them the fenceline was shifted by half a metre by the lazy contractors so housing commission gained that much extra land. The guy said thanks for telling him as he was wondering why his figures were all out. Had him confused. Hmmm.

I hope they are not gonna sell my property out from under me. Constant paranoia given how valuable my block of land is.

All I can do is sit tight and hope I am left alone in my lovely rental home and garden.

12 February 2020

Haha the Love energy is high and it’s not even Valentines Day ...yet.

I went down to Woolies to get money out for the lawnmower man and a few groceries. I had a long and weird chat with the checkout woman about of all things...cat litter. Hohum.

Then went to buy a coffee from Amanda. Some gorgeous man (who was extremely sexually focused ...rolls eyes ...Jesus!) sidled up beside me to order his coffee and commented on my big fat red lipstick marks pursed around the lip of my coffee cup.

I replied “yes, I was just thinking that it looks rather...RUDE!” Gave him my classic quirky I-don’t-give-a-fuck grin. He turns his attention to Amanda who is happily married and a lovely woman. Tells her he likes redheads. He likes his coffee Hot. I interrupt. “he’s running hot...very very hot.”

Amanda smiles a wary cynical smile. I say “I bet you just got out of jail as you are loving on every woman you see this morning and it’s not even Valentine’s Day yet!” He good-humouredly replies “I did indeed!”

Amanda tells him he is handsome but she is married and not interested in every good looking man that comes her way. I just grin impishly.

She noticed he had an accent. So I asked him where he is from! South Africa...Pretoria. I tell him I have been to Cape Town and Durban twice on a cruise in 1973. I loved South Africa but as a child could not figure out why I was not allowed in the black shops. Bloody Apartheid. He agreed. Said he grew up in that. Nice fellow…but horny.

So then my lawnmower man rings. I tell him the grass is extremely rained on and boggy (carefully avoiding the “wet” word!). He says he will try for Friday. I tell him the love energy is running high and that I have already been flirted with by random men. He tells me he has noticed that too, this week. Randomly invites me to the pub.

I said “that’s a good offer but nah..you have a bad habit of playing mindgames with me like the teasing about Fleetwood Mac and Woodford folk festival, ya cunt!” He laughs. Says he will have to get a shag.

I said “you need a woman that will actually like you after sex.” He laughs. Says they like him if he fucks them right. I said “yeah yeah you should try actually ...you know dating them….and following through”. (Projection on my part as no man has actually dated me in 35 years lmao!)

We both laugh insanely at each other. I like that about him. He has a good sense of humour, but gets a little too frisky. As is completely normal, I suppose.

I told him we have a good “working” relationship and I aim to keep it that way.

I find all this sexual attention a bit too creepy. But I have to laugh. The energy is running high. Even Amanda asked me what I had done to the man at her coffee shop.

I said “Me? Nothing? I was bemoaning the fact that my mojo is all wrong last Friday night, as I was cavorting wildly with my beautiful gay men friends. So the universe is paying me back with intense attentions from straight men. Which does not actually make me feel all that comfortable!”

The universe is a trickster. From the sublime to the ridiculous. One extreme to the other.

….

Well that was ...awkward. At least I was truthful and authentic. Yayy me. Fuck!

Apparently I am measured as a success... by my shoes.... (which cost $4 in an op shop). Lmao.

Really. What can I as a woman expect? Invalidation for my complex ptsd ++++ which somehow, astonishingly I wear with great pride.

I have thought about it. I am a raging sucksess after all. I survived my life without becoming a full blown drug addict, (although I was dependant on psych meds for 15 years and that shit is no fucking fun!).

I shuffled like a zombie for years, had Parkinsonian-type palsies and drooled...but I dragged myself back from that systemic abuse. The Bitch is Back, yes I am!

I courageously care about my truth and human decency and value. In spite of being raised by sexual predators. I speak my truth even though it makes me a pariah.

Oh and in spite of everything and every abuser ...I like myself. That too, is success.

Going to sleep the sleep of the reclaimed woman now. Safe in my own bed. In my government home provided for me after decades of abuse. Safe as much as I can be in a world going mad and on the brink of its own destruction.

Listening to the rain. Proud and free. No matter what life threw at me (shit happens!)

…

Council or govt surveyors have been on my corner for two days. They were measuring my fenceline when I got home. I told them the fenceline was shifted by half a metre by the lazy contractors so housing commission gained that much extra land. The guy said thanks for telling him as he was wondering why his figures were all out. Had him confused. Hmmm.

I hope they are not gonna sell my property out from under me. Constant paranoia given how valuable my block of land is.

All I can do is sit tight and hope I am left alone in my lovely rental home and garden.

12 February 2019

…

Yayy! Lyn, Peter and Danni helped me get Mum’s old couch and the wardrobes etc out onto the kerb. It feels good to get rid of all that old energy.

On their way out, the missing plug from the pond turned up, near the fence line under the frangipane tree. So I can fill up Bobo’s swimming pool.

A happy day! Clearing out old energy and allowing room in my house for new positive chi!

…

Haha. Watching the scavengers. Someone looks like they are taking mum’s couch. Good. Glad someone can put it to good use.

Naww. The woman was struggling with one seat on her car roof and had one kid holding it. Champion. I brought out some rope so it could be tied on safer.

So it’s going to a teenage boy for his computer room. I warned her it’s a comfortable old couch and he will likely avoid her by sleeping on it all the time like I did when I visited my mother.

12 February 2018

4.21 am. It was lovely sleeping without the fan, having fresh cool air after last night’s storm gently blow over me. But Bobo just woke me up, chasing Penny and needing to spend one also. I have long ago forgotten what it means to have an uninterrupted sleep!

Fortunately I can usually fall back asleep again easily.

Few more hours’s shuteye as I am meeting Jarrod at Coochiemudlo later this morning. Hopefully my leg holds out.

Boker Tov! (Good Morning)

12 February 2017

Baking bread in my bread machine as I ran out of bread and am one hungry Mama!

It smells delicious!

12 February 2016

5.50 am. I can't sleep. Been in bed since 1 am. I awoke at 5 am. Time to take my Seroquel and knock myself out. Good morning, good night!

…

12 February 2014

Good news, my beautiful daughter is eligible for a cheap car loan for her Clown Play business so she will be buying a car in the next 6 weeks or so. Then we are going on another road trip to Grafton NSW to the Rabbit Rescue Farm to purchase a female desexed rabbit for a friend for Ramon who gets very lonely while Crystal is at work.

So I will be a grandmother to another cute bundle of joy. Awwww! (mutters, nice nice but when oh when will she ever beget the Human Child??? Jewish Mother Angst! When she finds a decent progenitor to breed with I guess, patience Mother!) At any rate, who needs a man or a baby when we can have cats, dogs, and rabbitses. Oh My! Happy Dance!

Update 12 February 2025: She never begat the son and hare. Or daughters either! Awww. I miss my grandkits. They were awesome bunnies.

…

Gail and Christina brought over the Silver ticket to see Sons of Anarchy actors on 28 March. So excited! I'll get to watch Tig, Juice and Bobby interact with the Gold ticket members ie Gail. hahah will be funny watching her face. I wish Jax (Charlie Hannan) was coming. I'd just die of lust. lmao

…

The very first thing I will do if I ever get enough money, is I am going to buy another Pomeranian puppy. This German Jewish NZer woman misses that little fluffball German dog sooo much. I realise a new little Pom will not even come close to having Miss Bella Rosa's personality but I am sure s/he will be just as affectionate and beautiful.

12 February 2013

4.53 am. Not sleeping. Got off Paltalk with intention of sleeping but had a shower instead. Now alert and contemplating this sudden insomnia. Lol! Maybe I will bore myself to sleep...just heard the frenetic flapping of a bat's wings...even the bats are smart enough to call it a night with the impending Dawn.

Crows are starting to caw while I remain unable to snore. Guess I slept enough of my life away. I am trying to be patient and ride out this Transition of the Re-Birthing of The Tanya. I just want to have fun!!! More fun! Did I mention Fun?! Hah. (raspy exhausted exhalation!).

This little Psychedelic Dreamer is gonna attempt to visit the Astral! Got important work to do! Lol!

…

It's 1.41am. My iPhone case is warped! This is a harrowing discovery in the wee hours of the morning!!! I suspect I shall survive having a warped iphone to go with my newly declaimed warped mind but schmeh...must have gotten it wet...iphone that is. Lol!

Although my mind would like some neuronal discombobulation of the Jack Daniels variety right now. Being too poor to drink is rather, well...Soberingly Disturbing and Disappointing.

12 February 2012

I got sopping wet in the lovely refreshing storm after getting off the bus back from Carindale. Then I discovered my modem and home phone are Kaput! Also my mobile has no sound unless I use Speaker. Grrrrrrrrrr! Technician coming tomorrow so hopefully all will be fixed soon.

12 February 2011

Funny sort of day, got up late, spent a few hours visiting Jarrod and his new beautiful red fighter fish (I want one!) then came down with sudden exhaustion so went home and back to bed for another 2 and a half hours. Still feel pretty low. Dishes in bathtub, so I think I will try to get them done tonight. Feel unconsolably BLAH!

…

Seems a bit contradictory but hey, that's me all over. I agree about not asking for approval. I dance to my own tuneless whistle and no one brings me to heel!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons