Let's Nail A Cyberbully

Technology can make life easier, and usually everyone benefits from technological advances. However, this always means that the bad guys benefit as well, to the detriment of society as a whole. As social media became a thing, it gave rise to the cyberbully, a malicious person who uses social media and other technologies to harass their victims. However, while their attacks can be devastating to the right victims, usually those lacking self-confidence or who have been recently victimized, there are ways to deal with them and get back some of the peace you had prior to their attacks.

So What Is A Cyberbully?

A cyberbully is someone who likes to make the lives of other miserable, specifically over an online connection of some sort. They use social media, online games, even your phone to make your life miserable. They may even dox you, using your real life address. In extreme cases, they may even send people to harass you. However, what separates them from regular bullies is that cyberbullies use technology to bully people, be it phones, games, or social media. This makes them more insidious and debatably more evil. Luckily, they can be easy to deal with and the penalties are worse for them when they get caught.

[A lot of these techniques work against regular bullies as well. An obvious sort-of-exception is that you can record a bully in real life using your phone; learning how to record while it’s locked pays off. Just adapt the tactics as needed.]

Dealing With The Jerk

They can actually be dealt with relatively easily if caught early enough. Your keywords here are ignore, document, and report.

Ignore: The bully is trying to get a rise from you, so don’t let them get it. Ignore everything they say and block them wherever you can. The less contact they have with you, the less likely they can get the rise they’re looking for. It’s relatively easy to block them, and if they try to get back in contact you can block them again. Better yet, most game admins are sympathetic to victims of bullies; if you let someone know about the situation, they’re likely to block the person if not boot them from the game completely.

This has two corollaries: First, don’t retaliate. They’re getting off on being in control, so any sign of resistance from you shows that they’re in control. Second, don’t pass around material from cyberbullies and let others know it isn’t “cool” to help out the bullies bully someone else. By passing around materials, you’ve become a cyberbully yourself, however indirectly. Worse, depending on the materials, you could be subject to criminal and civil prosecution. It’s just better to delete and/or let the person know about the material.

Document: It’s easy to screenshot everything nowadays. If they contact you using some form of direct messaging, screenshot it. A message on Facebook or other social media? Screenshot it. Text message? Screenshot it. Put all of this into a file. If they call you, record the call if possible and then put it into the file. Emails? Screenshot it and put it in the file. Any contact that you can document helps your case.

If you’re sent material on someone else, either delete it immediately or save it to give to the person targeted. It’s honestly your choice, but don’t save it for personal use. At that point, you become part of the problem.

Report: Once you have what you feel is enough evidence, it’s time to report the cyberbully to the appropriate authorities. You should talk to the police first; if the local police can’t help, they can recommend who can help. All fifty states have laws against cyberbullying, and some federal laws can apply, especially if threats of death, child pornography (in case of certain materials being released), hacking and hate crimes are involved. If this is between you and someone at school or work, report it to the principal or HR, as appropriate; most organizations have very strict rules for this situation. Heck, report to content providers; you’d be surprised what happens.

The cyberbully is hoping you will act like a victim. Act like a victim and you will end up a victim. Defend yourself and you become the victor.

Avoid Being a Helicopter Parent

A lot of anti-cyberbullying sites encourage helicopter parenting: They suggest that the child’s computer be put in a public space so that the parent can monitor what the child is doing online, and therefore be knowledgeable of what they do online and where they spend their time, thus ensuring that the parent can prevent anything bad happening to the child. Yeah, this is bad advice.

Your child needs space to grow on their own. Like plants, they don’t grow if they have limited space, and monitoring their every move is one of the biggest limiters. Your child needs to make their own mistakes and try to deal with them on their own. If you’re constantly there protecting them, they don’t have that freedom and thus depend on you for protection. Since you’re solving their every problem, they learn to rely on you when they get in trouble rather than relying on themselves. This is great if you’re planning on immortality, but the reality is that at some point the kids are going to need to make their own decisions without you.

Thus, you need to learn to walk a difficult line: Protect your child while giving your child room to grow. It’s a difficult directive, but one worth it in the end.

[Sorry for going a bit long. However, good self-defense starts with good parenting; a kid who starts out counting on someone else completely to handle their problems is unlikely to defend themselves when it comes down to clinch time. It helps to start young….]

Be Careful Out There

Cyberbullying is the worst kind of bullying. The bully attacks from a place where they can’t be attacked themselves, and the effects can be truly horrific given how powerful its effects can be. You need to nip it in the bud as quickly as it happens, and figure out the best possible way of dealing with it. Unfortunately, unlike real-world bullying, you can’t ignore it for too long or it may have effects you weren’t planning on. Figure out a plan and implement it, and the sooner the better.