Make an image of the life you crave.
The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down.
You won’t drown in the money, if you go after it.
Travel on a plane; settle down.
Take for yourself the cedars and the oak.
Make perfume; soak an hour.
Find the pearls; adorn the neck.
Live among the trees in the forest.
Glean the profit of the day so you could stay warm, nourished in the rain.
There is hope in your baked bread, and in your bread, there is hope.
Even though the winter is here and spring isn’t coming,
You will still have a loyal companion to hold,
When the others are starving, living their penurious part.
A/N: Did that second line pull you out of your reverie before it even began? I chose to include it because the indifference of the cycle scares me. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments: did the unnecessary line make the poem feel more real or more broken to you? Thank you so much for reading. 🤗🌼🙏🏾
About the Creator
Caitlin Charlton
Noir Writer & Close Reader. Spotting the elements of Eloquence.
Survivor. Reclaiming my own territory.
Let us read each other and leave the page free. 🖋️🔥👠
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Comments (20)
A truly compelling line, Caitlin: "The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down." While the body of the poem feels like go-for-it vibes and marks the beginning of a journey, the mismatched line reminds us of balance: For every day has its night. I love what you did here. Best of luck in the challenge, and congratulations on your leaderboard placement❣
This is a beautiful poem, congratulations!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
great reminder to count your blessings and that gratitude makes for better attitudes
I have no idea how I missed this!! This is literally beautiful. I love every line. Congrats on your well deserved leader board placement!!
I love how the second line definitely doesn't feel like it belongs but actually does in hindsight.. Such a clever entry, my friend..the whole thing acts as a reminder that we carry on..in my head anyway. And that line about the sun upsets things but serves as a reminder even if it's written in different language. Well done on your leaderboard placement was great to see your name up there again beside mine. This is a stunning entry for that challenge.
Definitely more real for me. Something about something greater and more immutable that our pursuits.
That second line definitely stood out. It made the rest of the poem feel more grounded because it reminds you that while we’re busy chasing dreams or perfume or money, the world just keeps turning regardless. It didn't feel broken to me; it felt like a reality check.
I love the warmth and hope here. The message that life doesn't just fall into place, you have to make of it what you want is a great one. This is part of almost every "hero's journey" narrative. One has to leave, and discover, work hard to solve the problems we are faced with, but that fact seems to be overlooked by so many. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. 💛🌻
“There is hope in your baked bread” I love this line!!
That second line didn’t pull me out. It unsettled me in a good way. The indifference sharpens everything that follows, like hope being practiced under a sky that doesn’t care.
Great poem :) I feel like the second line made the whole thing feel a little detached but in a good way. Like observation, but not in a cold way.
Note to self: If you ever feel hopeless, go get some bread. Hehehehe. I especially loved how bread has hope That second line made the poem feel more real to me. I loved it!
I feel that the second line keeps you waiting for it to work with the rest of the piece. I don’t think it takes you out of it but at the same time it doesn’t help you immerse in it.
Cc - You Do ~ DoEth terrifically..! Jj
Loved the poem and to me the second line still fits for it makes one think. Good job.
I adore this poem, and I love the "unnecessary line," I don't feel like it's out of place, more just an additive that adds depth.
The intertwining of themes and juxtaposition of opposites are what keep bringing me back to read it again and again. It makes me wonder at the deeper meaning, especially in the final line. Is this literal poverty, poverty of spirit or both? The line that did not belong felt like a snippet from Ecclesiastes, KJV. This created a pause in the metrical rhythm of the poem, and suggested to me a grander wisdom literature theme for the whole of it. I loved how it made me feel without necessarily understanding why. Great entry to the challenge and good luck!
"Take for yourself the cedars and the oak. Make perfume; soak an hour." These two lines are hands-down my favorite (who could have guessed?) Love, love, love the whole poem, but those two lines speak my soul.
Love it