Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
Stories (714)
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Global Scientists Remain Puzzled By Findings from Extraterrestrial ‘Film’
In what has become a source of great anxiety for the entire planet top scientists from around the world announced no progress in their quest to understand the Alien Atlas (AA), the alternate universe earth ‘film’ received six months ago from somewhere near the Andromeda galaxy (M31). It is presumed that the AA was sent to earth deliberately by an intelligent alien species though the purpose remains unclear. Included in the transmission containing the atlas were instructions to decrypt the alien files in every currently and formerly spoken earth language and the foreboding phrase “learn from this or yours will be a similar fate.”
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Fiction
The Man Who Never Fell
There did once live a man who never fell. When I say he never fell I do not mean that in a metaphorical sense, as in never failed or screwed up. He definitely did plenty of that, but he never actually fell, as in he never once fell down physically so that both his knees and both his hands touched the ground against his will. Perhaps you suspect that this man must have been wheelchair bound his entire life or maybe he was a super star athlete with incredible balance. Neither were the case, and he had no physical handicaps to speak of, nor did he have any great physical abilities. His motor skills were well within the normal range for male humans of standard physical build and average height and weight. He was in fact very average in all respects physically including in the looks department which (partly) explains why he only married once and it lasted only two years. Mentally he was much the same, average. Not too smart but not exactly dumb either. He lived for 82 years in various location around the United States and even spent 1 year ‘living’ abroad after he graduated from college with his degree in sociology. Remember what I said about him not being too smart. He worked four different full time (forty hour per week) jobs over the course of his career until he retired at age sixty two and a half. None were particularly interesting, or made him very much money, but none were terrible either. It would be fair to say that much like everything else in the mans life they were average.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Fiction
Belts With Holes Are Dead - The Complete Chronicles
In one possible dystopian future the fall of man was brought about not by a nuclear holocaust or alien invasion, nor by a biological agent unleashing a zombie plague or a global economic collapse, but rather by an event so mundane, so random, so seemingly inconsequential that not even the wisest of men could have predicted it. This is the world of belts with holes are dead. A world ended when the last belt with holes suddenly disappeared from our planet earth. A hellish nightmarescape where the ability to keep one’s pants up even if they are too large is no longer an option for most. The rich seclude themselves in future belt enclaves where they live in relative luxury and wear whatever size pants within +/- two sizes they desire while the poor live in squalor, suffering from constant pants droppage or doing anything they can to just get by. The lowest of these, the so called “below the knee cutters” are the worst off by far. Their misery was so great that they actually took scissors to every pair of pants they owned and cut them off below the knees. Sick I know, do not read on if you are faint of heart. The only hope left are the so called Pioneers of Future Belts. Will they arrive in time to save our once beautiful planet and usher in a utopian paradise where everyone, regardless of means, can choose to wear whatever pants they want, no matter the waist size or inseam length? These stories represent the collected works of just some of the people who lived through those dark times. Pray their future does not become our own.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Fiction
Dear Vocal Reviewers
Dear Vocal Reviewer's Let me start by giving you a ton of credit for the job that you are doing. I can only imagine how much awful, terrible, craptacular writing you must encounter on a daily basis (e.g. see this very sentence) and I give you mad props for maintaining your sanity and faith in the general goodness of humanity in spite of it all. I have not doubt that when you graduated from college with a degree in English/creative writing/history/philosophy/fine arts you never thought you would have been given the opportunity you now have in front of you so early in your career. For most people, the chance to be a professional censor does not happen until much later in their lives when they become old fuddy-duddies, but you are tasting the intoxicating power that comes with holding the power of digital life and death in your very hands right out of school. You have proven all the naysayers, including your very 0wn friends and family wrong, and gotten a real job with a degree from an actual 4 year college and not obtained online. And, you did not study data science or machine learning or artificial intelligence like your grammie and granpa insisted you needed to do if you wanted to "go anywhere in life." Who's going somewhere now grammie? Who? You, that's who.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Journal
So You Think You Want to Write Satire and Humor?
Author's preface: If you ever wondered if it would be possible to write a satirical, humorous story as a response to a story detailing how to write satirical and humorous stories, congratulations you are a nerd. Also, the answer is yes, though it is very, very hard. Witness the birth of meta-satire, satirizing the satirical and humorizing the humorous. Although it was difficult writing this story was also a ton of fun. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. By the way the original piece upon which this meta satirical retort is based is pretty good too. Lots of helpful if very conventional techniques for improving your satirical and humorous writing abilities. I still think my version is better. lol!
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Fiction
In Defense of Texting During the Bar
In Defense of Texting at the Bar - I’m that person and I’m not sorryforge.medium.com Smartphones are the worst, right? They’re addictive, rotting our brains, skewing our memories, and killing the art of casual conversation. As if relying on our phones to fill every idle moment isn’t bad enough, going to sit in a gymnasium or public library basement somewhere to stare at a screen — especially during the bar examination, which is built for sitting silently while thinking and typing furiously and sweating bullets about how much money you will have wasted if you fail this stupid exam after three God damn years of law school already— surely signals the decline of our civilization.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Humans
Artificial Intelligence (AI) Versus Virtual Reality (VR)
As a public service I am pleased to present to you a quick primer on the major differences between AI and VR. I do this out of the kindness of my heart and ask for no compensation other than your attention.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Futurism
The Sunsetting Lies of Morning People
The Dawning Truth about Night Owls - Why staying up late is linked to health problemselemental.medium.com During his time in the Oval Office, Barack Obama was a self-proclaimed “night guy” who tended to stay up well past midnight despite his early morning duties. His predecessor, George W. Bush, was usually in bed by 10 and often started his workday well before seven a.m., a habit most normal people find unbelievably annoying.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Confessions
Why I Will Never Make Any Money Writing
Yep, I suck at writing If you are anything like me (trust me, you are not), then you suck at writing. That said, just because you suck at something doesn’t mean you can’t make shit tons of cash by doing it. Look at this very website. There are a few truly great writers who regularly contribute, some pretty darn good ones, a few more OK ones, a shit ton of average or below average ones, and the remaining who probably make up just over 51% of the writing population here, the terrible, horrible, downright craptastic ones. Oh, and then there’s me. I will leave it to the reader to decide where I fit in on that sliding scale of trainwreckage, but that is really beside the point. The point is that there are a boatload of writers in that 51% who are making gobs and gobs of cash by writing. Yep, you read that correctly, you don’t have to be one of the greats, or average, or any good at all, to fulfill your dreams of endless bags of cocaine and supermodel blowjobs by the gross, through writing. Female dreams and your own dreams may differ slightly from mine of course.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Journal
It Is a Golden Age for People Who Cannot Tie Their Own Shoelaces. Top Story - July 2021.
Author’s note: This article was originally published almost two years ago now and did not get nearly the attention it deserved. I am republishing it again today as a service to the shoelace tying ignorant and/or lazy public who no doubt make up a large portion of my readership. Enjoy!
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Styled
