Jamais Jochim
Bio
I'm the guy who knows every last fact about Spider-man and if I don't I'll track it down. I love bad movies, enjoy table-top gaming, and probably would drive you crazy if you weren't ready for it.
Stories (286)
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Been There, Done That: The Traveler Mage Subclass
Been There, Done That: The Traveler Mage Subclass Hogarth teleported in. Thankfully, the information he had on the coordinates proved accurate. He looked at the dial in front of him; he had never seen such a wheel before, but after consulting his journal he had several ideas which numbers would get him past it. He dialed in the first set of numbers and the stone door ground open. Inside lay treasure, but not of the golden kind: Scrolls of a papyrus that hadn’t sunlight in a thousand years and a few artifacts of a forgotten age. He cast a spell of comprehension and looked through them for a moment, the scrolls would rewrite history. He smiled, gathered as many scrolls and artifacts as he could, then teleported out.
By Jamais Jochim11 days ago in Gamers
Sparrow on a Plank Chapter 16: On Not Becoming a Shrimp's Dinner
Sal and Hajime were walking down the pier as a group of merchants were running the other way. Some of them were covered in stew. They looked at each other and shrugged. As they came closer to the Hell’s Wrath they saw Rick putting away the catapult and a couple of boys from the mess rubbing the big pot down. Rick saw them, and bellowed, “Heave to!” They rushed up the gangplank, past splotches on the pier, and it was taken in just as they hit the deck. Hajime kept moving to his quarters, where he quickly secured the book and shucked off the more confining of his clothes. He was down to tunic and breeches and then up to the crow’s nest to help guide the ship out.
By Jamais Jochim11 days ago in Chapters
I'm Going to Raise Myself An Army: The Necromantic General
Branchae surveyed the field in front of him. He had thirty zombies in the field, twenty with swords and ten with bows, versus forty orcs. He smiled. He had his twenty swordszombies charge into battle and his ten bowzombies rain arrows on the orcs. His bowzombies would keep changing targets when their targets were eliminated, with one looking for the chieftain. He sent his crawling hand off around the bend to look for the orc leader. The orc leader saw the hand and charged it. The hand retreated and the chieftain followed it. Once he popped into sight of the bowzombies, Branchae had them change their targeting; the chieftain was quickly peppered with arrows. The orcs were easily cleaned up.
By Jamais Jochim13 days ago in Gamers
Valentine's Day Sucks
Valentine’s Day sucks. Boyd sighed as he saw Charlie sidle up to the bar and order a beer. A few feet away sat his girlfriend. This was a problem. His friend Charlie ran a standard Valentino scam on vampires: He would seduce them and then kill them. He was good at it. However, he had a healthy libido, so occasionally he would fall for a target. This could cause complications.
By Jamais Jochim14 days ago in Fiction
Tattoos and Rail Guns Chapter 16: When the Silo Finally Explodes
The morning came. Walker shoved Douglas awake. Douglas tried to cast a spell, but the motion caused him to fall off the bunk. He glared at Walker. After they had dressed, Walker gave Douglas his assigned knife; he had already put on the matching set. “This mission should help test out the daggers.”
By Jamais Jochim15 days ago in Chapters
The Human Encyclopedia: The Scholar Wizard Subclass
Xavier glared at Ganor for the thousandth time. The barbarian wanted a flame for light and the books were the obvious source. The barbarian just want to fulfill a pyromaniac urge, but the scholar needed the books to solve the riddle before them and allow them freedom from the cell they were in. He looked at the books, his background in history helping to figure out which book held the answer to their predicament, and by chance he picked the right book. He translated a passage, and discovered that the solution to the riddle required mixing the chemicals in the right order. He smiled at the memory of his mentor Sandrarius, who had drilled basic alchemy into his head, and through the mixture at the given target.
By Jamais Jochim16 days ago in Gamers
Chicken Soup of the Heart
She was finally asleep. He leapt into action. The flame on the oven went on immediately. He started boiling the chicken broth. He opened up the chicken breasts and plopped them into the broth. Three days ago, she had caught a cold and had never let it go. He chopped up the vegetables, starting with the carrots, moving on to the celery, and even an onion or two. They had tried the Nyquil, the Dayquil, all the quils, all to no effect. He minced parsley and added it, with the vegetables, to the soup. She slept a lot, thankfully, but still retained the temperature.
By Jamais Jochim16 days ago in Fiction
Brass Ring Chapter 13: Catching Up With Chaos
Oliver stood up, disengaging from Cass. “Sorry, guys, I’ve got to go.” Cass put her finger to her lips and blew him a kiss. “Are you sure you want to leave with Teddy? You know he’s a teddy bear.” Teddy looked expectantly. ‘I could rub that fur all day.”
By Jamais Jochim17 days ago in Chapters
Who Says There's Not Enough Room? The Exploding Wizard Subclass
Rollo readied his fireball. He didn’t care that he was in room that was just a 20-feet cube or that several party members were within range; he would just put each in a bubble that would shield them from the bulk of the flames. He just wanted to show the trolls who was boss. He let loose with the spell after giving his party mates minimal damage. He flipped a mental switch to up the flames, and he felt some of the burn himself. THE TROLLS WERE INCINERATED! However, the cleric and paladin gave him an icy glare; he would yet again be paying to have the party healed….
By Jamais Jochim20 days ago in Gamers
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE: Wrestling Wizard Subclass
Rothaar saw the orc rush the party. So he rushed the orc. Summoning his inner fire, he cloaked himself in a fiery sheath. He then reached down into his primal fury and raged fiery hot. He flung himself at the muscular humanoid, putting it into a chokehold. He grappled the orc to the ground and held it there until it was a burning corpse. He looked around for a moment, then smiled: He had found another target.
By Jamais Jochim20 days ago in Gamers
