humanity
Humanity topics include pieces on the real lives of music professionals, amateurs, inspiring students, celebrities, lifestyle influencers, and general feel good human stories in the music sphere.
Bury A Friend By Billie A Song Of Armor Against Cancer
Two months after reaching my fifth year fighting this monster that lives inside of me known as cancer for the second time, I was playing music to drown out the sounds of the IV pumping fluids and antibiotics into my veins, the hustle and bustle of conversations at the near by nurses station and the occasional hollar of some disgruntled patient in the distance. Feeling unmoved by the playlists I had created to help keep me motivated and upbeat when I found myself in the trenches at the hospital, trying to get a handle on the latest infection or whatever other havoc the monster within was causing my body. I decided to listen to a “New Hits”station I found. Moments later, a tribal beat began playing through my headphones that seemed to connect to my heart and bring it back to life slowly in combination with lyrics that also expressed feelings I felt yet unwilling up until that point to acknowledge. I heard the song “Bury A Friend” by Billie Eilish for the first time. The lyrics “What do you want from me? Why don’t you run from me? What do you know?” All questions I had asked myself indirectly to my cancer thinking of it as it’s own entity that had taken up an unwelcomed or wanted residency in my body. To my amusement ironically the title of the entire album and subsequently part of the hook to “ Bury A Friend” was “When we all fall asleep where do we go?” This line seemed particularly poignant because doctors had repeatedly talked about how important it was to get enough sleep because it is during sleep the body truly heals. Often making me wonder, if that’s the case, why can’t they just put me in a constant state of sleep so I don’t have to feel the pain as my body endures the treatments? If only, I could sleep through it. What was this unconscious mysterious space known as sleep? Does my physical body go there or just my spiritual body or both? Only a few phrases later “I wanna I wanna I wanna end me bury a friend I wanna end me” It was the first time that I found a way to express wanting this all to end, not wanting to end my life but wanting the suffering to end, wanting the battle to end wanting the need to fight to end, wanting to end the person I’d become. I could no longer recognized myself this post-diagnosis anxious shell of myself, worried about waking up the next day and feeling worse than the day before, worried about if I was staying hydrated enough or what my numbers looked like or what any little change in my coloring or appearance meant. Before cancer I was laid-back and always thought that life had a way of working out. I never really worried about anything just did what I needed to do trusting fate and destiny with everything else. The worried person I’d become after cancer, I wanted to end that person. I wanted to bury that friend, that timid, check list making person trying to manage the unthinkable. To find myself able go back to being my carefree self with a greater appreciation of who I was before this time of warfare. The next lyrics “staple your tongue step on the glass” would resonate because at times I thought I would like to do anything to myself that might cause greater pain than the pain caused by treatment, that which was supposed to be making me better anything to create a lasting distraction. The song goes on to talk about believing that the monster could do something for you . In truth amidst all of this personal turmoil and struggle there are friends I have made and experiences I got to have, once-in-a-lifetime kind of things occur thanks to this living monster inside of me still, the cost was too much as the song lyrics dictate “I’m too expensive, probably something that shouldn’t be said out loud I thought I’d be dead by now”. As much as I want to live there’s always the reality of astronomical medical bills that won’t be completely covered by insurance and the possibility that after all of this fight, stuggle, and emotional turmoil, death could happen for me sooner than most people my age.
By Melissa Hevenor The Psychic In Your Pocket6 years ago in Beat
Krowcain
I made this song on my phone wheen I moved back in with my parents. They let me move in after I got out of jail and my friend got evicted. I lost my computer during that process and lost a lot of my songs. This song is about remembering who you are and how to get back even in the face of apparent opposition. The first verse is about me and my life circumstances. Despite how it may look to everyone else I have to remember who I am and continue in that air in order to achieve my greatness. This song outlines what I want in my relationships when we are alone. I want protection for my loved ones, and I want to be immune from the hurt of relationships while maintaining the ones I value.
By Jordan C. Hunter6 years ago in Beat
Fake Happy
For a long time, I saw myself as fundamentally broken, or damaged in some way. I was this thing, that could play at being a whole person. When in reality I was half a human (maybe less). For most of that time I wore it on my sleeve, like a badge. A sign that I was different.
By Francesca Blewett 6 years ago in Beat
Finding the Beauty in a Spectacular Nothingness
Riptide by Vance Joy had been my favorite song for almost two years straight. I’ve moved onto other music now, but I will always be in love with how none of the lyrics make any sense. It's like someone reached into a soul, scooped out a squirming handful of living images and scenes, and plopped them carefree onto an intimately simple three chord progression. I poured over that song for months, scouring every corner of the internet, searching desperately for a meaning inside that beautifully wild tangle of words and sounds, frantic and in awe of how a human brain could create something so simple, and yet so confusing - something that made absolutely no sense, but communicated with my confused youthful heart more intimately than any spoken word from mortal lips before. Living that song was a grand quest, you see, one that I know I was predestined to live, but one that has never had a clear destination. But, there was a magnificence in its flustered haze, and that magnificence is what I’d later fall in love with. Like searching for the moon in a night swollen with fog, trying desperately to find the beauty in the swell and swoon of a spectacular nothingness. I remember not so much the specifics of the scenes I lived, like what I was wearing, or what the date was. I just remember that feeling.
By noodle dad6 years ago in Beat
Symphony of the Soul
It had been the worst day of my life. It seemed no one wanted to hire me. I sent my resume to every business on the block and did my daily rounds of the show my face to the hiring managers. It became a job to find a job and I was exhausted. I sent in over fifty applications and it was the same response every time.
By Cara Simone Sparks6 years ago in Beat
Separate Ways
“I heard a woman becomes herself the first time she speaks without permission.” -Denice Frohman Everyone knew that when I grew up, I was going to be an opera singer. Close my eyes and I'm back there: thirteen years old, second floor of a renovated garage, a block away from campus. The lemon-yellow walls made her happy tears shine a deep marigold. I had just finished singing the Ave Maria with her. It was the end of another voice lesson.
By Kathryn Milewski6 years ago in Beat
