satire
Music industry and celebrity satire presented by Beat.
Decisions, Decisions
So, what's it going to be? A rap club, or a rock club? Well, obviously, it all depends on how you feel at the time. Oh, and don't worry about your friends Jack, Johnny, James, Jose and the rest of the gang, they've already R.S.V.P’d for both clubs, so you’re good. If you care less about rhythm and more about punching the air and dancing around like a voodoo witch doctor hopped up on coke, then a rock club is for you. If you’re more of a rhythm person, but you want to conserve your energy for the fight that will inevitably break out less than five feet away from you, then your best bet would be a rap club.
By Rashad Lewis5 years ago in Beat
The Worst Exercise Playlist
Anyone who looks at my body knows that I don’t exercise nearly as much as I ought to. I’ve gained forty pounds since the start of this pandemic, in part because I’ve transitioned from an active university lifestyle of walking frantically everywhere while jamming out to sick tunes, into a sedentary lifestyle of sitting in my old satellite chair, munching on whatever food I’ve brought upstairs with me and rewatching old episodes of sitcoms that premiered when I was too young to stay awake through the whole show. But that’s beside the point. Truth be told, I do not live an active lifestyle. Frankly, I never have. For the most part, it’s been due to circumstance that I’ve gotten even a modicum of exercise in. But, Vocal has been pestering me to drop an exercise playlist for a few days now, so here we are.
By Steven Christopher McKnight5 years ago in Beat
7 Reasons why you should NOT start playing GUITAR
REASON 1. HARD TO LEARN It is very hard to learn, 6 strings, 21 frets, a hell ton of notes, sharps and flats. On top of that chords and the ultimate switching between the chords. It makes the tips of the fingers HURT really bad. The instrument is really annoying, gets out of tune all the time, the pick falls and disappears, or lands in the sound hole. Ohhhh GOD!
By Sweed Music5 years ago in Beat
An Incorrect Interpretation of Song Lyrics: ‘Ob-La-di, Ob-la-da’
In continuation of my incorrect interpretations of song lyrics, today I’d like to tackle "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da" by The Beatles. This song may appear to be about the goings on of everyday life and the ideal of finding someone, falling in love and having babies. Of course, I’m here to tell you that it’s not about that at all. It’s actually an allegorical piece about a couple of practising Witches, with themes of misogyny and gender politics woven throughout.
By Rachel Lightfoot6 years ago in Beat
An Incorrect Interpretation of Song Lyrics
At first glance, this song may appear to be about a young man and his journey through early adulthood. The protagonist searching for a sense of belonging, persuing earthly pleasures from anyone willing, and perhaps as a consequence, mistaking sex for love.
By Rachel Lightfoot6 years ago in Beat
White Rappers That Make Your Friends Roll Their Eyes
If you really love hip-hop, there probably are a few guys who you really dig who your friends just can’t stand. And for whatever reason, there’s no bad rapping like white bad rapping. I'd hate to perpetuate the separation of the races here, and I'm usually actually fighting for unity because we are all one man and one species after all, but I couldn’t help but make this list because it’s just too damn funny and true: these are the white rappers who make your friends roll your eyes deep into the back of their head.
By Regular Person6 years ago in Beat
i GOT KiDS (How Drake Should Have Responded)
Barbados Gold hits you with another banger, “i GOT KiDS,” that has an addictive hook around a theme that is addressed and expressed brilliantly. This is the song that Drake should have come back with once Pusha T called him out with "The Story of Adidon."
By Barbados Gold8 years ago in Beat
The Worst Thing a Radio Host Can Do
The radio is a wonderful addition that nearly everyone has in the form of a small, black rectangle stuffed into their cars. Yes, we have moved onto streaming services and aux chords to blast personalized playlists from our smartphones, but radio has still persevered.
By Jen Angela8 years ago in Beat
Alien Vs. Freddie? The Horror Mashups You Never Knew You Needed!
Nope, not Freddy, it's Freddie — get away from her you silky voiced b**ch. Who in the realms of space ever thought to put Freddie Mercury in among the cast of the Alien franchise? I can see the connotation of Mercury and space, but that is where the link ends. However, internet wizard David Unger has used his magic to combine the music of Queen and the Alien Queen in one glorious video. Unger's channel offers some of the best cinematic mashups around, but for the meantime check out Freddie and the Xenomorph:
By Tom Chapman8 years ago in Beat
The Worst Song to Ever be Created
Sometimes, bad music happens to good bands. Elvis Presley infamously sang "Confidence" as part of a children's movie he filmed in the late 60s. Chuck Berry's song, "My Ding-A-Ling," was his only solo hit - and also happened to be a several minute long joke about his ding-a-ling. Even Paul Simon had a gaffe or two under his belt.
By Skunk Uzeki9 years ago in Beat
