divorced
Sometimes a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.
The aftermath
On May of 2020, I decided enough is enough. I was leaving a life that was not my own. For so many years, I was just going with the flow, building up anger and being miserable. I met him while I was still a senior in highschool, he was older and with a daughter at 23. Now, at 36 and with two kids later unmarried women living with a man I did not love. I decided I needed to start living life again. Living with a narcicist who never saw nothing wrong with his actions, who never did anything he didn't want to, never connected with my family, never allowed us to be a partnership, we were more roommates than anything else. I knew I had to get myself out of it. The home was in my name only, but I knew he would never leave the home. I had to remove myself from the situation even if financially it would be difficult. I didn't leave until July 2020, but once I did I felt such a sense of relief, freedom and inner peace.
By Rosario Baez5 years ago in Families
Manners when Dealing with the Ex
There is this thing in life called manners. Boy, do they get you a long way. Especially when dealing with the ex. Now, no, I was not the one who was dealing with the ex, but rather my ex dealing with me. Our relationship is no where near rocky, It is much closer to an apocalyptical nightmare. That being said, I can seriously tell you if he asked nicely about this things would have been so much different.
By Amy Bellows5 years ago in Families
Stuck in the Middle
In the midst of a divorce, or even after, your thoughts are often of the children. Now, most people have to sit and admit to themselves that their kids should see both of you and it is in their best interests. Sadly sometimes this simply is not the case.
By Amy Bellows5 years ago in Families
Bringing Home Cam
In the beginning, I started my BringingHomeCam page for a couple of different reasons. At the time, my now 14 year old son was barely 3. His father and I had recently divorced and going through the whole divorce/custody thing was not just upsetting and frustrating, but scary. Now at the time, I was at the top of my game in my career field and still loving every minute of it. I was secure; not only in who I was and where I was going, but financially as well. I was beginning to feel more and more like my old self again, and truly believed things were actually going to be ok. After all, the divorce was both our ideas, no slanderous back-story, and I'd moved only a few miles away into a beautiful new neighborhood with a greenbelt and park, allowing our son to stay in the same school district (when the time came). Incredulous as it was at the time, our custody arrangement was one of the first documented 50/50 splits in our State. Neither of us paid child support to the other (*mistake #1) and we split our time with our young son a week on, a week off. We even had a trade off night during the week so when it was my week, he'd go a night with his dad, and vice-versa. This way, noone went an entire week without seeing each other. I was pleasant still with his parents, agreeable when he had a time date or change, and did nothing to rock this fraigile boat (*mistake #2). So when only months out of signing our papers, you can probably imagine how totally shocked I was to receive more legal paperwork........I mean, weren't we done? Ha....not even close. Now tell me, why on earth, would a father who gets exactly the same thing as far as arrangements go, pays not a cent to his ex, has his son 50%+ of the time, file for a modification of custody? Full custody?! What on earth for???? I mean yea, he said he'd "have our son, no matter what" when we talked about divorcing, but I'd never threatened to take our son away, much less ask for full custody. So what in the hell was going on?? This had to be old paperwork, a typo of sorts, right? I mean, I'll just talk to him, right, and clear up this whole mess.................(*mistake #3)
By Amy Ryn Smith5 years ago in Families
The Chinese Family That Was
It was unexpected when my mother met my step father. I was only 3 years old. I didn't understand societal views of race at the time but I knew that if this man married my mother, I would be different from everyone else. He was a Chinese man from Hong Kong that had met my mother, an Indian woman, at a party. I didn't know much about my biological father, I was so young when my parents split up, just that I had taken his complexion in my parents creation of me, he was a African man, and that he lived in Cameroon. I lived with my mother and my sister, and so ultimately I lived with my step father, the china man. It wasn't easy at first. I was a mixed black girl with an Indian mother and a Chinese father. In the beginning I didn't like being different from my friends who all had parents that looked like them until I had gotten older and had become assimilated into the Chinese culture. His family had become my family, and my mother was not close to her family so in turn, they became hers as well. My life is filled with memories of being a Chinese girl, despite not actually being one. My grand father (ye-ye) and grandmother (ma-ma) were the only grandparents I have ever known and they had come to visit us in America bringing along with them their other children, 3 sons, their wives and their grand children when I was 7. It was exciting to have so many uncles and cousins and every time we would come together it was an elaborate occasion. The feasts were grand and we would travel far (or what seemed like it was far as a child) to go to authentic Cantonese restaurants. In addition, there was extended family that lived in Virginia and we would spend Christmas, Thanksgiving and Chinese New Years with them every year. My parents would visit my ye-ye and ma-ma every fall in China and they would always come back with Chinese teas along with Chinese silk dresses and bags. I felt beautiful wearing such unique, expensive and beautiful things that were made especially for me. My parents would come back from visiting China and would tell us stories of the adventures they had in Hong Kong. My ye-ye owned some sort of paper company and they were very wealthy so the stories they told seemed like an exotic dream. They would show my sister and I pictures of the Great Wall and the star ferry, The 10,000 Buddhas Monestary and so many more magical places that I would fall asleep dreaming of these exploring the mystical treasures of Hong Kong. My sister and I longed to visit and every year my parents would go it would seem like torture that we couldn't go with them. Years past as this tradition with my parents traveling to China occurred then one day they returned from their trip with exciting news. My ye-ye was getting old, and they had decided to take the entire family to Hong Kong for his 100th birthday in the year 2000. I didn't know why but I began to cry. I had this overwhelming feeling that it for some reason wouldn't happen. My mother and father reassured me. The family trip was only a few years away, what could go wrong? My mother had gotten cancer that year and the next year would be a hardship on our family. I had noticed my mother and father arguing a lot, then sleeping in different bed rooms. It never occurred to me that they would split up. He had been my father for more than 20 years. He was my father and I was his daughter. The blood at this point meant nothing to me. I had grown up dreaming of singing at my cousin's weddings and having a big Chinese wedding myself. I didn't realize the harsh reality that we were never truly their family. One by one, we started getting uninvited to events. My uncles and aunts as well as my father had stopped returning my phone calls. I was so confused, I made up excuses for why they had abandoned my sister and I. This was the only family I had ever known and all of a sudden they were acting like we were just random people they had to cut ties with. I didn't stop being angry until years later, in 2002 when I had found out my ma-ma was very sick with Alzheimer's, had died and we were not invited to the funeral. My ye-ye was very sick and on his deathbed. I had decided I was going to my step father's to confront him and ask him why he had stopped calling. I spent all afternoon making his favorite muffins and went over on father's day. I could tell by his expression when he answered the door that he was sad. He was hesitant to let me in. He sat me down and told me he loved me. He told me he missed me and that I was his favorite girl. Then he told me it would be easier if I would forget him and move on. I was heart broken. I wept hurricanes of tears as I begged him to reconsider. He handed me some tissues and kindly asked me to leave. Of course it is ridiculous to think I could forget about my family that I had grown up with and grown to love. The Chinese culture was so embedded in me at this point, that I was lost. After years of therapy and healing I realize that the easiest thing to do was not to forget my family or my up bringing. To do that would be to ignore a large piece of myself. Instead I will embrace the time we had together and learn more about the culture of the people I once called my family. It was and still is a dream to visit Hong Kong and to explore what I dreamt about as a child and finally get some closure.
By Sabrina Taylor-Smith5 years ago in Families
The Realities of Divorce
My parents separated when I was eight. We lived in Virginia which meant the parents had to be living separately for one year. They had to wait one full year until their divorce was final. The most fought after in court is the custody of the minor children. Parents, lawyers, judges etc consider minor children as property. In the video Voice of a child of divorce, the young boy is writing a letter to his parents, he is explaining to his parents that he has feelings, how he develops is in the hands of his parents. Parents that constantly bicker over the children, in front of the child lowers their self esteem. By putting the other spouse down in front of your child sends a signal that they aren't worthy of love or being loved.
By Lawrence Edward Hinchee5 years ago in Families
When My Father Left
My parents divorced when I was about two years old. I don't remember much about the ordeal. I do remember that my sister (who is three years older) and I were still very close to my father. He called us his Little Women because we use to always want to watch the movie at his house. We would spend every other weekend with him and sometimes Holidays. I was a daddy's girl.
By Summer Holiday5 years ago in Families
Divorce
Usually in a divorce, the couple that is divorcing needs to make the decision about who is going to keep the house. They need to work this out on their own or make sure that the courts address it. You must make the decision about what will be done with the property. There are many different options, and it is important to make sure that the decision is best for everyone involved.
By Spirit Guide Communication through the Art of Divination5 years ago in Families
Divorce
When you are going through a divorce, there are a lot of preparations you must do. You will want to make sure that you are hitting on all the things that you need to so that you are not missing anything. You will want to make a list of the items that you have to do so that you can have it done and ready with no problems. This will help you in the rebuilding of your new life after divorce.
By Spirit Guide Communication through the Art of Divination5 years ago in Families
A Broken Home
Unknown of what to write this winters eve. Should we continue to strive at writing our own story? For what ever reason that we do, I think it is the right one. Me, I am writing so people know who I am, what has happened in my life, and most importantly, to move on. I suffer from serious mental illness so I do not write the best so I would appreciate you looking past the unexplained errors.
By Brandy Tharp5 years ago in Families
