humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
Whats The Biggest Step In Any Relationship? Flatulence
The biggest step in any relationship is not the first kiss, it’s the first fart. Possibly one of the toughest obstacles for any couple to get through, if not marriage, kids, jobs, mortgage, and everything else above.
By Love and Laughs5 years ago in Humans
I Can’t Sleep
I can’t sleep. It’s fucking freezing in here. The kind of cold air that hurts to breathe into my lungs and makes me cold to my bones. The man living here has the A/C set to Polar Vortex. This July has been offensively hot and humid, we’ve had a heat wave so intense that I am uncomfortable and irritated immediately upon going outdoors. I would adjust the temperature of the A/C, however, I know the man living in the house would be apoplectic, his brain would fall out of his skull, immediately freeze and shatter into a million shards on the icy floor. I don’t understand why the air inside needs to be as cold as the Arctic Circle. In the winter, when it is this cold outside we turn up the heat to keep from freezing to death. I’ve adapted, I’m wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a balaclava to bed.
By Heather Donald5 years ago in Humans
The Blind Date Disaster
I was going to murder my best friend, ok, maybe not literally, but I was definitely getting back at her for this blind date from hell. ‘Jack’s a cool guy!’ she said, ‘it’ll be fun!’ She said, oh yeah, this was about as fun as getting a tooth pulled without medication. I gave a near-silent huff and took a long sip of my Merlot
By Joy Oliveras5 years ago in Humans
The Rake, The Spinster....And The Merlot?
Dearest Bartholomew, When Ekaterina first suggested that we court each other, I was hesitant. I thought to myself “what could I possibly want with a rake? And why does my supposed best “friend” want to take part in my undoing?”. Sure, at 23 I am no longer as marketable as the young girls of 18, but it is not my fault that all of the season’s most eligible bachelors are old, fat, short, and looking for their third wife. Mind you, after the first two have died in “riding accidents”. It seems that the day was fast approaching where I either had to accept my fate as a twenty dachshund owning spinster or succumb to Ekaterina’s peer pressure. That Ekaterina, so much for a lady as well. Half of polite society knows that she is a notorious gambler who cannot resist tempting fate, and the other half know that she only sets out on these “matchmaking” endeavors because her own marriage is a sham.
By Alicia Springer5 years ago in Humans
At Last, a Permanent Solution to Shifting Time Zone Chaos
I'm tired of adjusting my clocks every year, giving me jet lag without even the pleasure of going anywhere. Personally, I'd have enjoyed Daylight Savings Time all year long. When we shift back in the fall, it gets dark much too "early". You stop working and it's practically dark. My response to all of this discomfort and confusion is to create my own time zone, which will never, ever change. I'm calling it the "Midwest Central Tom Zone". As a magnanimous compromise between "normal" Eastern Standard Time and Daylight Savings Time (which now takes up most of the year anyway), I am setting all of my clocks an half an hour earlier, so I will always be right in between "standard" EST and DST. It will be less of a shift for most people entering my time zone than it currently is to enter any other time zone, or to have their clocks shifted annually. When setting appointments please remember that I am now, and will remain, on Midwest Central Tom Time (MCT), adjusting your appointment calendar accordingly.
By Mars Halek5 years ago in Humans
Life's a bowl of lemons
Sometimes life is like a bowl of lemons. I don't exactly know what that means, people just tend to say things like that. Is it yellow and pulpy? I've never gotten that impression at all. I don't even know what that would mean. Life can be funny sometimes. That's something else people say, usually right before they go into a monologue about an ironic thing that happened to them, or how they ended up in a cubicle at a job they expected to hate after that football injury ended their college career and they're suddenly reintroduced to the person they took for granted in high school, so that a romance can bud. I don't really have one of those stories prepared but I'll see what I can do. *ahem*
By alan pierce5 years ago in Humans
