Satire

Dear Sir or Madam, Kindly Shove Your Artwork Up Your Ass
A Danish artist who was given a pile of cash by a museum in northern Denmark to create a piece for its exhibition on labor conditions two years ago submitted two empty canvases — titled “Take the Money and Run.” The exhibit caused a stir. (AP News, September 27, 2023)
By Brendan Donaghy2 years ago in Humor
Preamble to the Constitution of the United Vegetables of the Refrigerator Crisper
Author’s note: A friend challenged me to rewrite the preamble to the US Constitution including the phrase “…in order to form a more perfect onion” which for some reason this friend found particularly hilarious. I thought it was kind of cute too and decided to accept the challenge. It was actually fairly difficult but I do like what I managed to come up with.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Local Nerd Shocked to Discover He is in Love with a Girl Who Has Never Seen a Single Star Wars Movie
Local nerd Ted Stephens was reportedly shocked and in disbelief when he realized that he was madly in love with his coworker, local girl (Melissa Thompson) who has never seen a single Star Wars movie. Ted said of the cosmically improbable event "I had a suspicion that Melissa was not a huge Star Wars fan on our very first date when I busted out three classic Yoda quotes to which she barely reacted. The first time was when she was talking about how difficult it had been for her when she moved to the US from oversees. She used the example of how she had learned the metric system in her homeland, but that it was totally different from the English systenm of measurements we use in the states. After she had finished and fell silent for just a moment waiting for me to reply I said, you must unlearn what you have learned, in my best Yoda voice. It was perfectly timed and oh so appropriate, but she barely smiled. Instead she just gazed off into the distance, her almond shaped eyes aglow with a fire that illuminated the dimly lit room where we sat like a sliver of moonlight. Her pouty lips glistened, and raven black, silky smooth hair cascaded over her perfectly formed shoulders like a river made of purest ebony. The second time was when she was describing her struggles to advance at Compford & Sons, the office where we work. She complained that the significant impact of her work was constantly overlooked even though she was trying as hard as she could to impress her boss and coworkers. As she spoke, the look of desperation on her face was reflected in her pale blue eyes, and my heart melted. In that moment, her beaty was beyond imagining, and, even though it was tinged with sadness, it took my breath away. It almost left me speechless, fortunately, I quickly recovered my senses, and remembered yet another classic Yoda quote which addressed the situation she currently faced. So, once again, in my pitch perfect Yoda voice I simply said, do or do not, there is no try. Bam. That was spot on awesome, but agin she just shrugged and continued on saying that she was not sure she was capable of doing what needed to be done, and that she was questioning her own belief in herself. For a gorgeous woman of such stunning grace to feel such self doubt angered and saddened me in equal measure. Luckily, for the third time in less then fifteen minutes, Yoda's words of wisdom came into my mind. I knew they could be of some consolation to her so when I spoke, it was in a quiet tone, but again in Yoda voice, that is why you fail, was all I said. Awesome stuff, right? I mean I could not have story boarded it out any better. It just goes to show you how the philosophy of the Jedi is so applicable and useful even in our own galaxy, and not just a galaxy far, far away. Anyways, Melissa did not seem as impressed as I thought for sure she would be and that was when she told me she had never seen a single Star Wars movie then excused herself to use the ladies room. As she stood to leave I noticed the smoothness of her skin, her delicate hands, and shapely legs and I think that was the moment I fell in love with her. But, clearly she was no Star Wars fan, so how could I be in love with her? It just did not seem possible, and yet, my feelings could not be denied. Love works in mysterious ways I guess. I waited there at the table for a good ten minutes completely dumbfounded, heart pounding in my chest, barely able to think or move, but she never came back so finally I paid the check got up and went home and watched the entire original Star Wars trilogy alone for the fifth time this year."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
About Your Government
The Government, your Government, has had its difficulties recently. There have been accusations of sleaze, spin, whitewash and, most recently, less than wholesome conduct with a dead rhinoceros, but these setbacks are really just issues of presentation, and the government remains adhered to its policy of muscular modernization.
By Ian Vince2 years ago in Humor
Lost Ice Cream. Content Warning.
When I was four years old, I experienced an amazing adventure at the park that is still fresh in my mind. That sunny weekend, my parents took me to the park to give me a precious escape from the stressful life at school. They were chatting away with their relatives while I had the opportunity to explore this free territory to my heart's content.
By deer2 years ago in Humor
Crime of Fashion. Top Story - November 2023.
I am not a particularly formal person. My grammar is lax. My hair probably needs brushing. My housekeeping is casual at best. No kitchen floor is swept before it sounds crunchy.
By Vivian R McInerny2 years ago in Humor
Lack of Goof
What is goof? Goof is a lovely term used to describe an individual who is goofy. Ha! Goof is definitively a mistake, or something stupid. Colloquially, it’s somebody who jokes around, makes fun out of anything, and overall has a good time. Goof is being carefree and unserious. Goofiness can lead to laughter or very blank stares. There is no right or wrong way to be goofy. The only wrong way to be goofy is to not be goofy at all. Goofballs exist at every corner. Debatably, there is a goofball inside us all. Interestingly enough, there is an utter lack of goof in the air of society. What the goof happened?
By Carmen Petralia2 years ago in Humor
A Letter From My Neighbor
Dear John, Congratulations on your new baby! You will be an excellent father. I never had kids because I despise them, but I imagine having one is beneficial for tax breaks.
By Carlos Mesa Pla2 years ago in Humor
Norm’s Diner Comes Out Fighting!. Top Story - November 2023.
A restaurant in the US is charging some of its customers for their inability to control their children while they dine there. Hidden away at the bottom of its menu, the Toccoa Riverside Restaurant tells its diners of its “adult surcharge” — adding three dollar signs next to the words: “For adults unable to parent.”- Sky News, 29 October 2023
By Brendan Donaghy2 years ago in Humor
Hooked and Cooked
In the charming town of Havenbridge, Mr. Harold Angler, a weekend fishing enthusiast, returned home from the nearby river brimming with excitement with a slippery surprise. Little did he know that the innocuous dispute over the name of his catch would escalate into a corporate clash of piscatorial proportions with his wife, Mrs. Gertrude Angler.
By RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY2 years ago in Humor
Job Vacancy – Uncivil Servant
Uncivil Servant Excellent benefits including car, speedboat, microlight, gun. Are you... A weak-chinned Oxbridge paedophile with a penchant for mainlining lavatory cleaner and strangling prostitutes? Hungry for a fast-track career compromising third-world governments and blowing up bridges? Is your current job holding you back with poor pay and conditions, modest options for growth and not enough access to high explosives?
By Ian Vince2 years ago in Humor
The Five Types of Meat You Get in Heaven. Top Story - November 2023.
Note: my head has been in a weird place over the last few days. I have just lost my godmother after a very long illness, and even though it was not a surprise, I am still getting used to a world without her love, attitude...and wicked sense of humour. I had this in a notebook for quite a while, and I needed a laugh at the exact moment when I rediscovered it this morning. The title of Mitch Albom's book was perfect for a parody...
By Kendall Defoe 2 years ago in Humor