cosmic reverie
Reflecting into the void #theunnecessaryline.
i wish i were born a planet...
to constantly bask in elation, synching with
nature in a stellar waltz with a blazing star
.
instead, i remain on listless terrain that
only houses hypocrisy and cheap thrills
.
i should've been an astronaut, exploring
distant kingdoms wrought with history,
venturing into the great unknown
.
instead, i assemble words in a crowded shack,
competing with artificial ink and 'fake' media
.
somewhere along the way, i made a pit stop
only planned to rest a while until
comfort allotted an extended stay...
months became years
dreams held at bay
flames fizzled to ash
...and the moments caught up
i plucked my first gray at thirty,
acquired allergies at forty and
joined AARP at fifty...
if only I had died instead of her
time is not a relentless construct
but more of a foe that can't be beat
.
i wish it was i who conceived a galactic theory
or discovered the rings of Saturn;
to live among celestial achievements that
brought meaning to a blossoming world
.
instead, i end this verse on a grounded note:
i may have missed a few horizons unfolding,
but orbiting within the great expanse, is far from over
About the Creator
Lamar Wiggins
Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry.
"Life is Love Experienced" -LW
LDubs
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Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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Writing reflected the title & theme
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Magic
Note from the Author: I want to let you know that this is an unusual story, and it has been written purely from whatever is in my unconscious mind, because before I start writing, I get into a flow state that reaches my unconsciousness. I also write in my subconscious mind, which is like a mid-flow state between the conscious and unconscious mind.
By Denise Larkin3 days ago in Fiction
Comments (22)
This is beautiful and gives me pause.
Congratulations, Lamar, well done!!
Beautiful! And congrats on your placement!!
I love the celestial imagery paired with real-life reflection :-)
You weave such relatable words Lamar. I like to think we could get "other option do-overs," and some of those experiences you mentioned might just be on the list. Thank you for writing from your soul!
Magnificent work, my friend! Blue-ribbon work for sho' 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Oh man…. This is so good. Also: relatable. Atleast, it’s relatable up until the “I wish I had died instead of her”. I have never had that specific thought. Have been lucky enough not to lose anyone I loved to that extreme. but still this hit me so hard. Heavy! I don’t know if that’s the “unnecessary line”. But if it’s the only one that really blindsided me— and it’s the only one which seems at a glance to break the cosmic theme. But… It doesn’t REALLY break the cosmic theme. It still about being part of the universe, it’s just looking inward instead of looking up and out. Still it makes the reader feel all the more small, and overwhelmed. So that line emphasizes the whole poem and the blurred emotions of feeling awe towards the universe and a pained sort of regret that our lives are so brief and so confined to one little rock hurling through infinite space. in that way this line fits beautifully. Great work Lamar! As always.
Expansive and yet still linear in scope. Continue to be different and inspiring in your truth.
Very good work, LW!
We all want to leave a mark ☺
Very soulful and full of yearning. Great poem Lamar.
🌼I remember the word "waltz" from your previous winning piece, "Final Waltz"—is it a favorite of yours? It has such a cool, buzzing Cadence to it. The periodic structure here was so inviting; you had my brows raised at the first line, then pulled me in to find out why you’d wish to be a planet. 🌼I was thrust into the Enargia of outer space, blazing like a star; a place that feels so far away from the weight of earth. The Juxtaposition between the "crowded shack" and the "stellar waltz" was brilliant. I especially loved your play on the word "ink" instead of "intelligence"; that switch gave me happy sparks because it was so unexpected.
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋 Muchas Gracias 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋WELL CRAFTED🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋Thank you 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋WOW 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Beautiful poem & read. I’m pleased I managed to pick the ‘unnecessary’ line! It did make me stop & wonder, but also fitted well.
Gorgeous, sweeping work. You take us on a journey from supermassive scale to cramped and personal - and one which encompasses both wonder and regret. Stellar work my friend!
Very well done! I haven’t checked out the challenge yet, but I couldn’t feel any of these lines as “unnecessary.” it all seem to flow so perfectly.
A great poem Lamar. I love anything that contemplates space. Your description of earth as a listless terrain housing hypocrisy is powerful as well.
Excellent poem, Lamar. I sometimes wonder if planets and stars have their own consciousness and think of us humans and other life forms as we think of parasites living in our bodies.
I am not really impressed with the astronauts, so far they just go to the space center thats just orbiting the earth. I been to space camp. Thats the closest I felt like an astronaut without going into space. Anyway, great poem on how one dream of what their life could be.
Oh wow, so deep, so beautiful, so poignant! Loved your take on this challenge!
Another I expect to place highly
Your zooming out and back in for the perspective is really well done. Very moving piece, Lamar!