nyctophile

flashback

They tell me

everything is fine

but somehow,

deep down,

something tells me

everything is

not fine.

I do not know

if I should believe

me

or

them.

andromeda, orion

Staying up into the

very early morning seems to be

the only way to find any peace.

I see the stars mimic

the twinkle I see in the tears

falling from my eyes,

and the moon

keeps me company

while I find the quiet of everyone else’s

rest.

I don’t understand

why everyone insists

that 3 am is not a

reasonable hour to be awake

when it is the only time

I’m able to find any

reason

at all.

small little reasons

Hiding in a corner,

holding on to a stuffed llama

with the silly name

of

Flopdoodle.

Not wanting to be found

by the past

or by the future

I sit and hold on

to small childish dreams

and large children’s toys.

Too scared to let

tears fall from my eyes,

too terrified of what

hides behind.

So I sit in a corner

and try to be brave

for a

llama

named

Flopdoodle.

one year, three weeks, eight days

If I called you

would you answer?

If I texted you again

would you respond this time?

If I tried over and over,

would you let me in?

I’ve waited long enough

for closure

to come to me.

So maybe,

I should go to

closure.

You helped me make sense of things

back then.

Maybe I only miss you because I can

predict you.

ghost

Do you stay up

thinking

like I do?

Do you remember

what happened

that night?

Pain.

Tears.

No one interferes.

Or even hears.

Tell me,

do I haunt you

like you

haunt

me?