depression

It is not just a matter of feeling sad; discover an honest view of the mental, emotional and physical toll of clinical depression.

Rambles
I figure I should introduce myself. My name is Alexis, and while many people in my life view me as an optimistic, hardworking person, down inside I'm pretty worn out. I don't want anyone to take me writing this as a call for help, or anything of the sort, rather I just want to speak my mind to people in a community of people that I don't know, and who don't know me. As of late, I have come to realize I have this super fun and exciting thing that many may call "high functioning depression." What it is is pretty self explanatory—I can go to work, or school, or deal with any other mandatory daily things just fine, but once I get home I just feel lost. It's as though a vampire sucked all the soul and willpower out of me. I tell myself, "Alright Alexis, you should probably brush your teeth, maybe clean your room or make dinner." But at this point I hardly see any point to besides the fact that everyone else does. I live in such a constant state of "why bother" that it's simply beginning to fog my mind. I had a panic attack at work that got so intense and hard to control that I had to be sent to the hospital for it. I'll feel completely drained of all energy simply by making my bed in the morning. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking: "they're such simple tasks, just do them and you'll be fine." Yeah, sure, because it's that easy. For many people with mental illnesses, these seemingly simple tasks become super daunting and don't become so simple anymore but rather take every ounce of your being to do so. It even begins to go beyond that.
By alexis! :-D7 years ago in Psyche
The Invisible Girl
I first thought seriously about taking my own life at 15 years old. My mom was a single mom, and my alcoholic dad wasn’t around. I had one older brother who had issues; we were not close. I was a huge introvert. The girl that took a book with her everywhere so she didn’t have to interact with the world. What caused this intense feeling of wanting to disappear completely and forever at this young age? Was it the “druggie” girls in high school who constantly bullied me, who would call my house every morning at 2 AM to threaten me and my family?
By Missy Is Me7 years ago in Psyche
Depression
My Experience with Depression I am 24 years old, and I have felt the lingering sadness, loneliness, and physical aches of depression as far back as my mind will take me. Being someone with many mental illnesses, I have always been one who refuses to let them completely take the reins. I'm not saying that I don’t have struggles, or that my social anxiety allows me to mingle in the midst of a stranger crowd, but rather I find little things throughout the day, week, month, and year, to help the darkness that is depression, becoming simply OK.
By Haleigh Garza7 years ago in Psyche
When Tomorrow Feels like a Punishment
"Just get up and move around, you'll feel better!" "Just go outside, the sunshine will help!" "Are you sure you're not just tired?"
By Portgas D. Sara (they/them)7 years ago in Psyche
Reflections of Life
Let's say we can call this one a journal entry. Read it and you will be hurting along with me. Read it and you will feel certain that I never had a purpose. I feel worthless. Human touch has always made me nervous and the only time I feel content is when I'm spitting out some words in a poem. Catch me steady skirting because I don't want to end up hurting even more. But these strangers keep on trying, and I still tell them I am not buying because I am broke. So much that I have done gave up all of my hope. In my heart I feel like crying, in my throat, I feel a choke, around my neck I feel this rope, and on my head, I feel that blow. Every day I feel like dying, but I never let them know. And I never ever show the things that are clouding up on my mind because I'm just waiting for the right time to drop another poem hoping they realize to pick up the signs. I hope they are ignoring all my lies, and try to stop this suicide. Hope they see it coming before I run out of time. They say that "life's a journey and it's all about the climb." But I'm going to need some strength because I'm running out all of mine. But I can't pinpoint what's wrong. It's just everything combined, and for all the ones who hated me. Go ahead and step in the line. I'm sick of all the tears and the anger and this loneliness. I finally believe that I am crazy for everyone who has told me this. That I need someone to tell me I am enough, need you to show me this after being stepped on for so long. I think not that you owe me this, but at least just keep it real with me. I'm done with all this phoniness and don't look at me in the face to tell me that you have never noticed this. My door is always closed so that no one can ever open it. It's steady in a daze because I'm having trouble focusing. Eventually, I'm just numb from all the pain that I have been soaking in. And I want to sleep because I hate the world I woke up in. I feel so let down from all the people that I have been hoping my scars are almost shit. But, something always comes and opens them. Just close it, I can't continue to fall. My heart has been feeling so cold and these words I have been telling are coming out bold. Stop worrying about what comes out, and stop worrying about all the clouds. Because despite all the attention, I'm alone without a doubt. Mentally tired so I'm glued down to this bed and I want to feel warm but it's cold up in this house. My life as I tell you it's the last time even though I've said it countless times before writing. And I feel like I am going to mess this one up. It's kind of sad because it's the fourth time when someone has found me laying in my bed. Yes, I am depressed as the lonely moon in the sky. Just looking to hold this hand but you see those marks all up on my wrists. And I am sorry that I couldn't be as normal as everyone else. I have really tried but there's something missing from my heart. I'm broken deep inside and this house doesn't feel like a home. But here are some reasons why. I can't sit here in my room and be happy by myself but sometimes I sit around for hours wondering about my mental health. I feel like life isn't even worth it and will this struggle to overcome? I keep fighting with my demons but my demons.. they have won.
By Lena Tran7 years ago in Psyche
It Can Get Better...
I can only say this once. Depression is not something people want to talk about. It’s a topic that tends to be avoided, even though it’s an important conversation to have. Before you stop reading this, think of what triggered the depression inside of you. Whatever that reason might be.
By Cait Jade7 years ago in Psyche
The Day that Changed My Life Forever
It was May 2, 2018. My boyfriend and I had broken up a few weeks before. So I was broken-hearted and depressed. I felt all alone. I had class that day, but before that class, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend. I absolutely lost it. I ran in the opposite direction, climbed up three flights of steps to the third floor of a parking deck. I stood there, looking over the edge. I heard sirens so I ran back to the stairway and went down one floor, and I ran over to the edge, stood up on the ledge and... That is the last thing I remembered that day.
By Serena Fix7 years ago in Psyche
9 Signs You Might Have Depression
1. Suicidal Thoughts Let's jump to what I feel is the most important sign of them all. Suicide. If you are feeling like death is an option, let alone the only option, then you should seek immediate help from a physician. If you have not considered committing suicide, but rather pictured different ways of dying, you should really contact a physician.
By Amidst the Sunset8 years ago in Psyche
Welcome to My Mind
In case you haven't read, "Me, Ellen, and The Girl I Wish I Never Liked," I liked a girl when I was in a play back in 2015 and she ended up going with another gal. Now I know what you're thinking, "Don, that was just a crush," "Why do you act like you were going to marry her?" "You're just overreacting," it's okay. I faced enough of those comments already, so if you're thinking it as you read this, it's nothing new. Anyway, after that happened, I was really depressed about it and I thought I was getting better about a few months later... or so I thought.
By Don Anderson II8 years ago in Psyche
Reintegrating After a Long Depressive Episode
If you suffer from severe anxiety and/or depression, the term "isolation" may have a different connotation for you than most. If you understand what I'm talking about, then this is the article may interest you.
By Eva Berryhill8 years ago in Psyche
Growing Up in the Ballet Industry
I always felt like I was a bit different to the other kids my age when I was growing up. I became more acutely aware of this when I was at high school. I remember regularly feeling down, but I could never understand why.
By Heather Spencer8 years ago in Psyche
Depression, Anxiety, & the Troubles That Ail Us!
About a month ago I suffered a major anxiety attack. I was at work doing my thing and everything was fine... until I went outside to water the flowers and BAM it hit me!! It hit me like a ton of bricks!
By Alyse McDonald8 years ago in Psyche