recovery
Your illness does not define you. It's your resolve to recover that does.
Scar
Scars. Such a touchy subject. It’s strange how some view those with scars as heroes until they discover they were self inflicted. As I look at the red marks covering my thighs, and those that rest upon my wrist, I am reminded of how strong I am. People say self harm scars make one weak. I feel the opposite. There was once a time when my mind and body would go numb and the only way to feel was to hurt myself. I had to bleed to know I was still alive. When I began to hurt inside, moving the hurt to the outside helped. The saying “stick and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” is the biggest lie. Ever. I spent about 12 years of my life listening to my own blood talk me down. I began to believe the words that spewed from their mouths. My mind would spin and my entire atmosphere would darken. I was not worthy. I was the biggest mistake my parents ever made. I would never be successful. As the world grew lighter again, more scars appeared. My step mother once told me I was doing it wrong and if i wanted something to happen I should go deeper. My mind began to believe her words. I should have tried harder. I havent self harmed in 4 months and 2 days. That is 122 days clean. I’ve been dealing with this “addiction” since the age of 10. That's 5 whole years of scars collected among my body. Scars should not be a touchy subject. It needs to be talked about. I know how it feels to be alone. 5 years ago, summers were spent in hoodies and leggings. Nights were spent running my hand along to sections of my body that were inflamed. Days were spent resisting the urge to itch the fresh cuts due to fear of breaking them open. Green concealer and foundation dripped off my legs in the shower as I hoped to cover the bruises scattered along my legs. No one could know. I thought this was a secret that would go to the grave with me. I was waiting for the day where words could no longer affect me. When my conscience shut off. People began to notice. It was too hard to hide. When band aids were exposed and I could no longer pull it off as a small scrape. Scars were my only way to cry out for help. Most of middle school I was labelled as “the girl who cuts herself”. I was 5 months clean when that one was sprung upon. Right back to the beginning I went. The memory of my mothers eyes when I told her I was cutting is forever etched in my mind. My heart breaks when I think about that night. It was 2 in the morning. Friends played downstairs as she slept on the couch. She jolted awake as I sat next to her and cried and shaked. Her eyes began to sink. I hadn't seen her this way in years. For the first time in years, I was finally heard. Since this night, my mom and I have been talking about everything. Anytime I feel an emotion, no matter how strong, I tell mom. I’m doing the best I possibly can. Therapy sessions, medications, coping skills, all of it. I like to believe that I am proof. Proof that it gets better. Proof that there is light at the end of a dark dark tunnel. Proof that life is worth living. It gets better. At the end of the day, I don't think I’d ever want to remove my scars. They have become part of me. Part of my story.
By Claudia Azinger5 years ago in Psyche
Standing as a Warrior
Recently, I was part of a book club through my tribe where we shared the story of Native authors. I read for a living so reading for pleasure is a treat. When one snuggles into a good book, most of the time, the reader is looking for escape. To loft off to another world is what I like to do. Reality is often escaped and off to a mental journey I like to go. As I snuggled into my reading spot with a hot cup of coffee, I was ready to escape my reality.
By Sheila L. Chingwa5 years ago in Psyche
Now that i'm not getting high. WTF is there to do?
So let me tuck this little nugget to bed right here and now. Just because you or someone in your life has decided to jump on the sober train, that does not mean its time to curl up and binge watch ourselves into oblivion. With summer coming up and restrictions going down here's a top 5 of things we can do to keep that motivation up and boredom away, because if there's one thing that is terrible for anyone in recovery its boredom. I have personally relapsed in my past over pure fucking boredom. Its like your sitting there watching TV for the ten millionth hour. Time starts going backwards. The Mickey on your watch looks like he's smoking a pipe, its only 2 o clock. Your mind starts wandering, thoughts start swirling. Bad thoughts, trouble filled thoughts. Nothing good can come from these thoughts. but then the voice starts. its just a whisper at first. Lets get high. it says. I actually laugh out loud. That's a joke i think to myself. "Why not"? whispers the voice. "It'll be fun". Seriously I think. "Sure. It's been awhile" whispers the faint faint voice. It has been awhile I think almost in unison. And then...fast forward five years. WTF I cant not live like this one more fucking minute.
By Nick Farina5 years ago in Psyche
So, You Got Fat: 8 Steps Towards Body Liberation
It’s not easy to move from a life of embracing and buying in to diet culture to one where you appreciate your body for what it is. We live in a culture in which expectations are placed upon our bodies before we are even born (think gender reveals). Where my children’s BMI, an outdated and inaccurate gauge of health, has been printed on their pediatric after-visit summaries from the age of 2. Where my girlfriend, a dancer in a non-traditional dancer body, realized that the first time she looked at a photo of herself and thought she looked fat, she was only five years old.
By Rachael Hope5 years ago in Psyche
Garden Therapy
After having not really taken any notice of our gardens front, side, or back, over the past ten years of living within Bournemouth, it came as a disturbing shock to note that, over the time we had been in our home, it was beginning to resemble the forest that this area used to be much akin to looking many hundreds of years earlier in time. Nature indeed did seem to be chucking out a great big 'Hi there, I'm still here, are you, what about coming to see me at some point, you know, if you are not too busy huh?'
By Jonathan Townend5 years ago in Psyche
Young People and Alcohol Alcohol Treatment Centers in Pune
Adolescents who begin drinking alcohol before age 14 have a nearly 50% risk of becoming alcohol dependent in adulthood. A study published July, 2006, early drinking as a predictor of alcohol dependence in adulthood.
By Satish Patil5 years ago in Psyche
