trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
A Mother's Love
I could feel the glass shards sinking deeper into my feet each time they hit the ground, but my urgency never faltered- I regret my decision to wear heels this day. Now barefoot and terrified, I was running as fast as I could from my job to my home- it didn’t feel fast enough. I contemplated why I had never prepared myself for doomsday; but of course, I never expected it to happen at all… let alone, like this.
By Samantha Evans5 years ago in Psyche
Long After Assault
Molestation and rape were a common theme in my childhood. This is the curse of growing up a pretty black girl, I thought. I knew that my cousins, my mother, and other women I grew up around had been touched inappropriately too, so I didn't really dwell on it too much when it happened to me. Movies taught me that it happens to all women not just the pretty black girls left alone with the wrong male "family" member or "friend," so I thought, this is just what happens to women. Then I learned that it happens to men too, and I just thought, this is what happens period. We just pick ourselves up and move on. I saw a post the other day that said something to the effect, "hyper sexuality after sexual abuse isn't talked about enough. I've seen many women who were abused sexually disconnect with their bodies, and end up just being over sexual...sometimes it's hurt looking for temporary healing," and I identified with this statement so much. I even remember having a conversation with a male friend when I was older to this exact effect. As a survivor of molestation and rape in my younger years, there has always been a disconnect when it came to sex for me, but I don't feel like I became hyper sexual. I feel like I just stopped caring about sex one way or the other.
By Nailah Robinson5 years ago in Psyche
Putting Robin Together Again
Putting Robin Together Again Innocence Lost What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. That’s what they say anyway. But death seemed like a sweet release from the nightmare I was trapped in. This is my story, my journey into overwhelming darkness and my struggle to find light again, to find hope and peace.
By Robin Edwards5 years ago in Psyche
When My Childhood Trauma Makes It Too Hard to Function. Top Story - June 2021.
Childhood trauma is a very real thing, and for those living with it you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. One moment you’re sitting there totally fine then, BOOM. You’re sucked down a pit of despair and self-loathing and you’re obsessing over all the help you never got, and all the chances that were denied to you by people too selfish to see that you were drowning
By E.B. Johnson 5 years ago in Psyche
It’s My Life
Well, well, where do I begin? Oh, Hi everyone. My name is Casandra, but everybody calls me Cassie. I am a single mother of 1, 9 year old boy. My life has never been easy. I can’t remember my childhood at all. When I turned 2, my father went to prison for 11 years. When he got out, my whole life flipped upside down. My father raped me around the ages of 13-15. I didn’t know any better, I thought that was what father daughter bonding, love and affection was. I willing allowed him to do so because he twisted my mind into thinking it was a normal ordeal for a father to have sex with his daughter. I started having problems at school, with my mother, and my siblings. My mother kept two jobs to provide for us. That left me to make sure they got home from school safely, make sure they ate after school and dinner also, make sure all homework was done, and ready for bed at a decent time. I had to grow up very fast and it prevented me from having a normal childhood. My bother and sister were allowed to go to birthday parties, sleep-overs, out with their friends to do normal kid things. I felt alone. I started to become a very rebellious person. Until one day, I found out I was pregnant at the age of 17. I was scared out of my mind. At the moment, I was sexually active with 3 people, my father included. I gave birth to my son and 1 of the 3 men I believed to be my son’s father agreed to taking a DNA test. It turned out he wasn’t the father, broke up with me, and I never heard from him ever again. The second man blocked me on all social media and wasn’t willing to take one at all. I was too scared to even tell my mother that my father has been raping me for years. So currently to this day, I have no idea who’s the father of my son. My conscience is constantly telling me my son is my brother also. When my son turned 6 years old, something in me just snapped. I was broken and nobody understood me because I wasn’t willing to allow anybody in to comfort me. I left my hometown for good. I gave temporary custody of my son to my mother. I hardly see my son at all, unless it’s on FaceTime. I am far from an unfit mother. I help him with homework over the phone, I send money whenever I can. I’m there for him just not physically, even though I know that’s what he needs. I moved two states away to start a new and better life for my son. That has been very hard to do. From me not having a childhood nor being a teen when I was a teenager, I got caught in the fast life of drugs, clubs/bars, sex, and etc. it became very hard for me to save money on my own. I felt a void that needed to be filled in my life. I starting dating, thinking if I can find someone to love me for me, then we can get a house and a car together. I felt like I was living in fantasy land. It finally clicked in my head that i needed to focus on me and my son and that’s exactly what I did. Now I have my own car in my name. I’m focusing on a home now, so I can be a better mother to my son. Things are a bit troubling for me, but all I can do is keep my head held high and keep pushing forward.
By Casandra Butler 5 years ago in Psyche
EMDR
This has been a tricky blog for me to write, therapy is such a personal thing and the fact is that it has been a really tough process. I am not used to dealing with all the feels (probably part of how we got here to be fair)and it has been quite a hard situation to deal with.
By Sam Finlayson5 years ago in Psyche
THE MAN WHO LIVED IN A TRASH BAG
I was in Bakersfield on a business trip this past December. It was 45 degrees outside. I was walking from my warm hotel room to a Denny's to grab a late dinner. As I made my way to the restaurant I had to walk underneath a Freeway overpass.
By Napoleon "Bo" Perrish5 years ago in Psyche
THE SYSTEM FAILED ME
I NEVER HAD A EASY LIFE .BEING MOLESTED AS A CHILD ,JOINED A GANG. Losing a child when i was a child myself. I WAS PUSHED TO GROW UP FAST . SO BEING BEAT BY MY FIRST BOYFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL I THOUGHT WAS NORMAL SINCE I SEEN MY MOM AND SISTER GO THROUGH IT. SO I THOUGHT HEY ITS LIFE , I HAD NO REASON TO ARGUE THE SITUATION UNTIL I WAS TIRED OF THE SAME KIND FACES LOOKING AT ME AS I ENTERED THE GROCERY STORE WITH BLACKEYES AND BRUISES ON MY FACE DID IT OCCUR TO ME THAT MAYBE I WAS PUTTING UP WITH WAY TO MUCH AND I DESERVED A BETTER LIFE . I KINDA LOST THAT FEELING WHEN I BURIED MY DAUGHTER . I DIDNT CARE ABOUT MYSELF SO WHY CARE WHAT THEY DID TO ME .I SOON REALIZED THAT IF MY DAUGHTER WERE ALIVE WOULD I HAVE WANTED HER TO SEE ME THAT WAY.. AND JUST LIKE THAT I WOKE UP.I WENT TO SCHOOL AND EARNED A DIPLOMA AND A COUPLE DEGREES . I MET A OLDER MAN ONE WITH SO MUCH EXPERIENCE IN LIFE THAT I WAS BLINED BY THE CONIVING WAYS HE HAD BRAIN WASHED ME WITH TELLING ME HE LOVED ME AND PUSHING ME TO BE A BETTER ME BECAUSE IF I WERE BETTER HE WAS LIVING BETTER. HE HAD NO SCHOOLING OTHER THAN PRISON. HE WAS STREET SMART TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME . ISOLATING ME FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS. ALL WHILE I WORKED TO PROVIDE AND HE LAYED UP WITH ANOTHER FEMALE UNTIL IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO COME HOME..HIS MIND WASNT ALL THERE AT TIMES . LOVING ME ONE MINUTE HATING ME THE NEXT. I REMEMBER TIMES WHEN HE WAS SO UPSET HE WOULD THROW ALL MY STUFF OUT THE HOUSE LIKE I WERE TRASH.. THIS HAPPEND FOR YEARS BY THEN I PURCHASED A HOUSE . DESPITE WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MINE I WORKED FOR IT. I FIXED IT . BUT I LOVED HIM AND HE LOVED ME SO HE SAID AND ONCE AGAIN I BELIEVED HIM .PUTTING HIS NAME ON THE DEED BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE WERE FOREVER . THAT CHANGED ONCE THE HOUSE WAS OURS . HE CHANGED . AT THAT POINT I WAS SO TIRED OF WORKING SO HARD TO BE DONE SO WRONG I FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. I DECIDED TO PURCHASE ANOTHER HOME AND WE WOULD RENT OUT THAT ONE TO PAY FOR THIS ONE. AND IT HAPPEND AGAIN I GOT HOMETO FIND ONLY MY STUFF SITTING OUTSIDE. HAVING TO PULL MY SOFAS AND BED THROUGH THE ENTRANCE WAS PRETTY DIFFICULT FOR ONE PERSON. HE DECIDED ON HIS OWN TO STAY IN THE HOUSE PAID OFF. AND LEAVE ME WITH THE BURDEN OF HAVING TO PAY EVERYTHING ALONE.. I WAS SO LOST AND HURT FOR DAYS ALL I DID WAS CRY I HAD NO CHOICE I HAD NO TV NO RADIO JUST MY SOFAS AND SOME CLOTHES. AFTER ABOUT TWO MONTHS I RAN INTO A GUY I KNEW FROM BACK IN THE DAY .. WE HUNG OUT HE MADE ME SMILE AND FOR A SHORT MINUTE I FORGOT ALL ABOUT HIM. SOON HE FOUND OUT AND BECAME VERY ANGRY HE STARTED STALKING ME CALLING MY PHONE ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY. TELLING PEOPLE I HAD HIV, I WAS PREGNANT AND I LEFT HIM, CALLING MY JOB TRYING TO GET ME FIRED.. HE THEN STARTED COMING TO THE HOUSE KEYING MY CAR CUTTING MY TIRES AND SOON AFTER BEATING ME AT A GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT.. FEARING FOR MY LIFE I GOT A PROTECTIVE ORDER IN PLACE. BUT THAT DIDNT HELP NONE . HE VIOLATED MORE THAN TWELVE TIMES AND NOTHING EVER HAPPEND UNTIL HE BEAT ON ANOTHER FEMALE. THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY FOR THAT CASE CALLED ME IN TO TESTIFY TO HELP THAT CASE SAID I WOULD BE PROTECTED I DINT HAVE TO SEE HIM OR HIM SEE ME . BUT GUESS WHAT HE DID SEE ME AND I WASNT EVEN ALLOWED TO TESTIFY , SO HOW COULD THEY JUST PLAY WITHN MY LIFE LIKE THAT.HOW CAN THE CRIMINAL GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING AND I GET PUNISHED FOR BEING SCARED.. HE GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING TILL THIS DAY HE LIVES RENT FREE WHILE I STRUGGLE . HE SEEMED TO HAVE WON IN MY EYES. HE PAYS NO RENT HAS HORSES A NWE CADILLAC AND A DULLY TRUCK ALL WHILE I STUGGLE. I PAYED FOR THAT HOUSE CASH I WORKED 9 MONTHS TWO SHIFTS IN A NURSING HOMETO SAVE UP THE MONEY FOR THAT HOUSE AND I CANT EVEN WALK INSIDE IT.. NO ONE HAS HELPED ME ,NO ONE CARES .. HOW CAN THE SYSTEM BE THERE FOR THE ABUSERS AND THE VICTIMS .WHO CARES
By Priscilla Guillen5 years ago in Psyche
The Athlete Who Shot 6, Violent Sports Are To Blame?
Former NFL player Phillip Adams shot 6, killed 5, and then himself a few weeks ago. After so many cases of aggression perpetrated by football players, people are beginning to question the effect of violence in sports on people's mental health.
By Mindsmatter.5 years ago in Psyche
