Who is your "Person"?

It's important to recognize that you cannot go through life as easily on your own.

My name is Elizabeth and I'm a survivor of child abuse and horrific trauma. Healing from trauma is not a quick fix and recognizing that it will take time, is part of the struggle.

"I want to feel better" We say to ourselves. 

But some days just don't go our way and no matter what life throws at us, we hit the red lights at every intersection.

Other days we flow through life, like a river rushing towards a giant waterfall, as we plunge right to where we want to be. No matter what kind of day / week or month you are having, it's important to recognize that you cannot go through life as easily on your own.

Human beings are social creatures, and we often feel better when receiving support from a strong network around us. For most people, it's our families that hold us together like "glue".

How many times have you heard your friends talking about their families?

Every day, am I right?

I think it's nice to hear people share their family stories, but it also makes me jealous. 

I've got nothing to say when people ask me about my family. I tell them they're all dead but it's not true. 

I've never had a strong family behind me that I could turn to when I hit all the red lights. I've never had a strong role model in my life to help me when I needed it. 

Life is harder when the going gets tough for survivors of child abuse and trauma. 

I've heard the old saying that "It takes a village to raise a child" many times. I agree with that statement, but I think it doesn't stop when you grow up. 

An adult still needs a strong social network of support through all of life's successes and downfalls. 

Imagine if you have to go through a tricky surgery and you need to leave your young kids with someone you trust. Most people choose family.

I never could trust my own family with my own safety so how could I trust them with my children? 

When you get married, you want the world to come to the wedding. I walked down the aisle with "my half" of the room empty. Someone saw a lone tear escape down my cheek, and a big shuffle started with people moving across to my side. It was a nice gesture, that made me feel welcomed into my husband's family.

When you graduate from college, you want people to come and see you achieve a milestone in your life. 

I've never had that support, and the loss is like a vacuum in my life that leaves an empty void.

Sharing special moments must be incredible with family around you. I wish I knew how it felt. 

It's much harder to succeed in achieving your goals all alone, but if you get help and support along the way, it's easier.

Part of healing from abuse is being willing to accept help from others.

This is something most trauma survivors struggle with because part of the damage is, that we don't "trust anyone to be there for us", without it coming with a price tag, or ramification of some sort. 

It's even more difficult to recognize that we need help and to ask for it. 

I know I'm not good at asking for help, but I also know that I'm one of those people who will bend over backward for anyone who needs my help. 

Isn't that weird? 

I've been told that accepting help, and offering help to others are two different things. As a trauma survivor, I recognize hurt so much quicker than someone who has not lived through trauma. I see the pain from just a look and I get "that feeling." It can be overwhelming at times.

Reaching out

When life isn't going so well, it is important to reach out to people you trust, like friends and of course family, if you have them. 

Reaching out to friends and family not only feels good, but it also helps you to regulate your feelings. 

I don't know how often I have crossed the street to my friend's house and sat in her kitchen with a coffee, watching her do laundry while our kids run around our feet. I mean, who does that? Well, my friends and I do it all the time. Just being in someone else's house can help, if you are having a bad day.

Make sure to choose the people you turn to who's got your back. You will find out very quickly if someone is not trustworthy, and it's not a nice feeling to be betrayed by someone close. It can take a while to get back up on your feet again. 

Sometimes you think you know the person and it turns out, they never had your best interest at heart. 

If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. Listen to that inner voice of yours.

There are those times when you need more help than just sitting in someone's kitchen or having a catch-up coffee with a friend. 

Tell that person you need their undivided attention to listen to you vent, or for them to understand you have a problem where you need their advice. For these conversations, only privacy can help. 

Let someone else take care of the kids for an hour and go somewhere private. Sometimes, these conversations are so difficult, you might just need a shoulder to cry on. Boy have I been there plenty of times. 

Whatever you need at that moment is the right thing to do.

I have come a long way in my healing journey by opening up to trust people about my past. I feel better after sharing my hurt and pain with people. 

I wrote a memoir of my childhood Amazon.com: The Sex-Offender's Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds eBook: Woods, Elizabeth: Kindle Store and published it for the world to see. 

I wrote the book to help other survivors know that it is okay to be allowed to have a life after abuse, and to fully live it. I also wrote it for therapists and other professionals who work with trauma survivors, so that they can understand what survivors carry before they get help.

You are not alone in the world. Use the people around you who make you feel better and let them know what your struggles are. The people who love you will want to know, and help you thrive.

Trust your instincts about people. They are usually right.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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