relationships
Trace the link between feminism and relationships from outdated norms to modern conventions including chivalry, working mothers, splitting the bill and beyond.
Who We Are
It's almost 2018 and our voices are still not being heard. In a man-made world, we are still silent. Now from my experience, I have been through two of these situations. As a young woman, I am taught that my body is sacred. For it to be sacred though, I need to change this and that about my body. Be aware of my personality and say what they want me to say. We have grown up in an epidemic where social media has raised us. Women hide so much of their true self that when we try to identify who we really are, we just can't. My first relationship was in high school. In my mind, he was everything I wanted. But like most young men, they have something hidden and painful. Who doesn't have that though, at an age where everything is confusing? Anyways, it seemed like I always learned to take care of his needs before my own. In my mind I just thought I was being a great girlfriend but to him, it's the word submissive. He was the reason that I feared the things I use to love. In a world that already seems damaged, the plunge to hell was coming quicker. I was the girl who lied my way for him. I'd runaway to be with him yet runaway to be far from him. I'd tell friends that I had fallen or was just clumsy. I became distant to people who had always been there for me. I wasn't living my life anymore. When we broke up, I felt even lower. My bipolar disorder became intensified, the PTSD was settling hard in my thoughts and I just remember my life being blurry. He stalked me for a year. A freaking year of constant torture. "I love you, no wait I hate you." Back and forth we were with each other. I had to repair relations that I figured were damaged. I had really good friends at the time who helped me figure myself out again. Then I met my longest relationship to date. He was someone I met through my first and I wish I could of seen the signs. Now let me tell you, the ex did some damage to my mind mentally that I experienced drugs and became an addict to deal with the pain. I felt like he stole a part of my youth that I just needed to get back. So, partying, staying out late, drinking and getting high to let time go by. Yeah; that was my life for a bit until I met J. J seemed like he cared on a deeper level. We had a serious connection and we went through a lot together. Again, I was submissive with him. I tried pushing him to do better and want to be better. This just led me back to the same path of pain that I was trying to get rid of. I damaged relationships all over again, we were both full blown addicts, homeless a few times and everything you could imagine happened. He was my devil on both shoulders. The night he choked me to a point where I could of passed out made me question myself and why I would want to keep going through this. I eventually made a plan to get him out of my life but I'm still working on myself. I learned in my own experience that both my abusers were troubled teens. Someone had let them down and couldn't lift them back up. It is so hard for a young adult to face reality and then have society tell you it is your fault. You don't hear enough about the truth. Did you know 85% of women are more likely to be victims to domestic abuse than men? Scary thought right? That is someone's mother, daughter, niece, aunt, and friend. For the abuser, every 20 minutes you have laid physical abuse on a woman, have chosen 1 out 7 to stalk immensely. YOU became the 19% who used a weapon for fear. YOU, have impacted someone's physical and mental health. And more than half of them are 6ft under because you had issues and used it on them. ME, I wish there was more talk about what to do when you are in this type of relationship. I wish there was a better handle of this and more women would speak up for their selves. If you can't speak for yourself, speak out for the younger generation who looks up to you. Don't let them think that hiding a problem is a way of solving it. Don't let them think abuse and bullying, is a way of affection cause it's not. It takes 30 seconds to let someone know you are hurting and in danger. Don't let it be too late. Don't fake your own life to please someone else.
By Katlyn Jackson8 years ago in Viva
I Am Strong
It was the start of my sophomore year of high school, I was scared and excited. Worried and carefree. I was far from popular but I had friends, lots of them. We were the outcasts, the kids in Japanese culture club. We played Magic the Gathering in study hall, Pokémon on our DS’s walking through the hallway. I was a tough cookie. I joined protests, silent and loud. I protested animal abuse, the firing of the lunch ladies, sexual assault. I wore the teal ribbon in April for all of my friends who had suffered through sexual abuse and assault. I taped over my mouth on the Day of Silence for those who fought depression silently and didn’t win the battle. I was strong in what I believed in and I was even stronger in knowing who I was.
By Emma Bukovsky8 years ago in Viva
What’s Up with Her?
It seems like a lot these days we see a lot of domestic violence campaigns and awareness. I’m sure most of you have seen the advertisements on who to call in an emergency on the back of your public restroom doors at some point. Or have signed a permission slip to have your daughter or son attend a class or watch a certain movie in school about domestic violence. But what is actually happening? Why is it spreading around and why does it keep happening to younger and younger adults and why is it becoming normalized? This is my story as a 19-year-old female whose day to day life is a statistic in the signs on the back of those bathroom stalls.
By Alexa Anne8 years ago in Viva
Things All Women in Relationships Should Know About Money
When it comes to money in a relationship... it's a big deal. Especially when you and your partner are living together, money is basically the backbone to your lives. I know, it's sad to say, but we do live in a world where money runs the planet. And in this case, it's running the relationship.
By Jacqueline Hanikeh8 years ago in Viva
#Metoo
I was roughly 20 years old when I got into my first serious relationship. I had been severely depressed and desperate to find someone who would love me. In my mind, I was ugly, fat, and unlovable. I turned to the only thing I knew of at the time: Craigslist personal ads. That’s where I found him—let’s call him J.
By Chelsea Kay8 years ago in Viva
Scared and Ready
Let's start off on a cheery note. My name is Bianca and I am a SURVIVOR. I refuse to call myself a victim. The men who thought they took away my will to live, thought wrong! This is my truth. This is my big F U. I want women and men who have gone through similar experiences to know that they are not alone.
By Bianca Gomez8 years ago in Viva
Suddenly Promiscuous
I was thirteen. I had never been kissed. I was an innocent girl. I knew about sex, as much as someone who wasn't planning on having it can know. I had a friend. She had been my friend since we were only five and six (she was a year older than I). She had "dated" this man that was in his 20s. They slept together and everything, which she was just elated about. I thought it was kind of gross to be with a guy so much older than her, but that's how she was. They later broke up. She went through a drastic change with depression and excess sleeping around. At the time, I thought that was just her getting older and that would be the road she had chosen. Now, I don't think that was the case, but we will get back to her shortly.
By Vanna James8 years ago in Viva
Domestic Abuse & Me
My nearest and dearest often describe me as strong, loud, resilient, and many other terms similar (mainly loud). My patients have referred to me as "firm but fair" and "take no shit." So you can imagine why for someone like me admitting I was in trouble, admitting that I needed help and admitting I WAS a victim was so hard for me. But, as a nurse in women's services, I couldn't cope with what I felt would be hypocrisy. I need to practice what I preach. All that has kept me going recently is turning the worst time of my entire life into a positive experience, trying to turn myself into a positive role model. Showing my little sister, my patients, other women, and my loved ones that we all deserve to be safe in our homes, in our minds, bodies, and the world we live in.
By Natasha Smith8 years ago in Viva
I Was Supposed to Feel Empowered, Right?
Eric, 21—Nice smile and has a cute dog, totally right swipe material, oh he’s in. Jersey—left swipe. Josh, 20—EW he’s drunk in every one of his pictures... left swipe. Chris, 22—oh hello, handsome, right swipe. Oh this is awkward it wasn’t a match; maybe he just hasn’t found my profile yet? That’s what I’m going to choose to believe. Lance, 21—he seems okay enough...right swipe. DING DING DING! It’s a match! Okay his profile is boring and I have nothing witty to say about him so, I’m just going to go with a classic. A little while later, I realized maybe that was a mistake.
By Emily Spence8 years ago in Viva
