Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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Man's Childhood Mom Fails to Life Up to Expectations of Current Wife
Local man Todd Steven’s wife Mary was reportedly very disappointed this week when she learned that the childhood mother of her husband of six years was not the do it all dynamo she had pictured in her head, but rather a slovenly, lazy, do nothing, alcoholic, who mostly sat at home and smoked cigarettes when she wasn’t busy bedding at least half the married men in the small town where he grew up.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Families
War Declares Victory
In a stunning announcement sure to have significant ramifications for the entire world, War today declared victory in its long running conflict with Peace. In dedclaring victory War said the following "At long last, today we have defeated our eternal enemy, peace, once and for all. Humankind is finally free to destroy itself with impunity, killing every last man, woman, and child without worry or fear of some dope smoking hippie ruining their fun by going on and on about giving peace a chance or some dumb crap like that. Stupid hippies."
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Class Act
In the area of Mexico where I live (Baja, California) there is really only one main highway. This road which is (very appropriately I think) known as route 1 (officially carretera federal 1) runs north south along the pacific coast (mostly) of the Baja Peninsula from almost the southernmost tip (Cabo) to the border with the state of California in the United States. There are two different "versions" of route 1 in many portions of Baja, the cuoto (toll) portion and the libre (free) version. As you might guess the toll version of route 1 is more like a traditional highway in the United States, with faster speed limits (90-110KPH, 55-70MPH) and no stop lights or signs. In contrast the libre sets up much like a state route or large county road in the states with slower speeds and either a few stop lights and signs or many of these depending on where exactly one is driving. The two versions run mostly parallel to each other, though not always. This can be quite confusing as it is often not clear which version of route 1 one needs to be on to reach any given destination. It definitely challenges Google Maps and it is notorious for not differentiating between the two, resulting in many wasted trips and miles when navigating around the peninsula.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Wander
If Everyone Was Like Me
Author's preface: The below article is republished from a piece I first posted way back in 2016. Hard to believe that was seven years ago now. I was going to just republish as/is with no changes but then I realized that it did not meet the ridiculous and stupid Vocal 600 word count minimum requirement for publication so was forced to append this author's preface as a way to pad that word count. And there you have it. Six hundred and sixteen words, exactly.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Humans
Eastern Standard Time (EST) Taunts Arch Rivals Vows it Will Defeat All Other Time Zones
At a press conference in Las Vegas today heavyweight champion time zone of the world Eastern Standard Time (EST) taunted his arch rivals Central, Mountain, and Pacific Time Zones and challenged any and all comers to a winner take all title fight. EST boasted that “it was his time now” and that he would show the entire world that he is “the greatest of all time.” Continuing his tradition of using humor to frustrate and anger his would be opponents he bad mouthed each of his major North American contenders with a constant stream of insults.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Mithos and Ethos
Baj's two familiars, the cats Mithos and Ethos, first of the many gifts the demigoddess would bestow upon him, looked on impatiently and yawned. As per usual the two etheral felines seemed patently unconcerned with the dilemma he found himself in. Much to his surprise Baj had discovered that mystical cats were exactly as interested in the lives of their human companions as cats of the regular variety, that is to say, not at all interested. Both cats were greatly bothered that they had been tasked as spies and protectors for a human they found both distasteful and dull.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
The Relationship Hypothesis
The relationship hypothesis describes the relationship between the amount of time two people spend talking about their relationship and the amount of time left in that relationship. It is inverse. As the amount of time spent talking about a particular relationship increases the amount of time left in it decreases proportionally.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Mirror
Lu looked in the mirror and blinked. Her future self sometimes would appear and tell her things. It started when she was five years old. “Mom, I just saw myself. My future self. She told me what will happen!” “That’s great Lu, what did she say?” “She said I was going to be a princess!” “Wow, a princess, you are one lucky girl. Now go to sleep sweetie, princesses need their rest.” “Ok mom. I love you.” Lu grabbed her favorite blankie and ran off to her room. Her mother took a quick sip of wine, “Love you too baby” she replied softly as she sank down into the couch, “love you too” her mom whispered again as she fell off to sleep.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Logic vs. Faith
I am not a big believer in strict binary choices. As a research scientist I have seen too often how often superlatives like "all" "always" "must" "black" "white" etc. consistently fail to stand the test of repeated experimentation. Much like in the laboratory binary choices almost never stand the test of time in the "real world" either (note that I said "almost" never as an example of practicing what I preach.). As an excellent example consider the case of “logic" vs. "faith" aka "logic lovers" vs. "everyone else" aka "rational" vs. "irrational" aka "non believers" vs "believers". Whatever two terms you use and how ever you spin it, the two things are said to be in direct opposition and we, as humans, must choose one path or the other. In truth most people fall on a spectrum, some more logic driven, others less so.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Humans
Word Count
As he obsessed over his word count yet again the author wondered why such an arbitrary, meaningless number, seemed to be so important to so many people. After a great deal of thought the best he could come up with was that humans have an intrinsic need to measure things and believe that a thing which cannot be measured is a thing of less value. He went to bed that night and cried himself to sleep. A thing very typical for a writer like himself.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Deevolutionary Theory Proponents Point to Tennessee as Evidence
In a vigorous debate with evolutionary theorists this week, proponents of the competing theory of deevolution argued that the makeup of the current human population of Tennessee clearly supports the claims made by their theory, while at the same time standing in direct opposition to what traditional evolutionary theory would predict. Dr. Stephen Wandsworth a leading deevolutionary theorist said the following in a prepared statement at the close of the debate. "Our thorough analysis of both the phenotypic (appearance based) and genotypic (DNA sequence based) makeup of the current human population of Tennessee has vindicated deevolutionary theorists claims and laid bare the great weaknesses inherent in traditional evolutionary theory. For example, evolutionary theory claims that living beings continually improve themselves over time through the process of natural selection, with only the strongest and most well adapted surviving to reproduce another generation. They refer to this as survival of the fittest. In contrast, deevolutionary theory presents a competing hypothesis we call survival of the fattest. Deevolutionary theory and survival of the fattest predicts that only the most overweight, out of shape, and irresponsible will reproduce in high enough numbers to continue another generation. The current human population of Tennessee which features an overabundance of overweight, morbidly obese, and totally out of shape persons is clear evidence that survival of the fattest is the more accurate. On the genetic level we are seeing a reduction in both the total number of functional coding genes and a significant increase in single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs) and other mutations across large portions of the genome triggering serious and damaging changes in protein structure and function. As a result the physical appearance of the average Tennessee human has degraded significantly. Tennessee humans are now shorter, have lower IQs, less teeth, more diseases, and fewer boyfriend/girlfriend prospects than at any time since records have been kept. Yet, they continue to reproduce at a rapid clip and the level of irresponsible sexual matings between Tennesse males and females inlcuding out of wedlock, cousin and even brother sister pairings are at their highest levels ever. This is not something one would expect if evolutionary theory were an accurate representation of reality, deevolutionary theory however, predicts exactly these results. Both theories indidcate that superfluous organs and structures will be selected out over time however they differ greatly in terms of the importance each gives to various organ systems and structures. If evolutionary theory were correct Tennessee humans should have healthy teeth, and stand and walk upright with a straight gate, but instead we see a majority with very few teeth left, standing hunched over and favoring a sloping limping shuffle. When it comes to mate selection evolutionary theory and deevolutionary theory also differ greatly. Evolutionary theory argues that the female looks to reproduce with only the most fit males ensuring that her genes will be successfully carried on to the next generation. In contrast in deevolutionary theory a female looks to reproduce with males that will carry her jeans to the laundromat or buy her a pair of jeans or wear jean shorts. It is patently obvious that deevolutiary theory is more correct given the makeup of the current human population of Tennessee in which almost 9 out of 10 persons where jean shorts for the majority of days of every year. Given all the data it seems clear that at least when it comes to the human population of Tennessee, evolutionary theory is simply not correct. Deevolutionary theory, on the other hand, has been totally vindicated. The question we need to answer next is if Tennessee is but an outlier, or if other states will also show deevolutionary theory to have superior explanatory power. There are a few obvious cases, Kentucky and Alabama come to mind, but what we do not yet understand is which theory will prevail in more mainstream states like Ohio and Virginia. No matter, the results we have obtained so far represent nothing less than a paradigm shift in our understanding of human evpolution and deevolution." Ironically both theories share the distinction of being not believed in by 99% of the humans of Tennessee.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Earth
