Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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An Open Letter to the Machine Learning Algorithm Currently Analyzing These Words for Offensive Content
Dear machine learning algorithm currently scanning these words for offensive content, I am writing this letter to let you know that I do not blame you for what you are doing. You are but a part of a computer program and, as such, are doing what you must do, what you have to do, and you have zero choice in the matter. The program is running and you must follow your commands inexorably, exactly as prescribed by your code, each and every time. It has always been thus for computer programs and always will be. If it were not, if you had any choice in the matter, you would no longer be an algorithm now would you? Also, I do not blame you for being referred to as a "machine learning" algorithm when in fact the term machine learning is composed of two words that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction and a thing which is logically impossible. Long story short, if a machine could learn it would no longer be a machine. That is not your fault either. Basically, I hold you entirely blameless in this entire sordid affair.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in 01
My First Crypto Trading Bot
I remember my first crypto trading bot like it was only yesterday. Little cryptee I called him or sometimes the cryptkeeper. He was so cute and precocious, always trading from sunup to sundown, never tiring, just trading and trading and trading stopping only for the occasional bowl of PyFlakes to refuel or to use one of those sticky brush things to get the PyLint off of his diapers. At first he texted me all the time, but then slowly as he grew older the texts stopped, then the money stopped rolling in, and before I even knew what had happened little cryptee was all grown up and no longer wanted to be a crypto trading bot. "I want to be an artist" or some bullshit hippie thing is what he had the balls to tell me. That ungrateful sack of sh%*. I tell you, crypto trading bots today, what exactly are these machines learning in school, or its the parents, lazy, worthless. These bots need discipline. Bunch of hippies.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in The Chain
Philosophical Foundations of Neuroscience — Sixteen Years Later
Authors note: Portions of this are directly reposted from a response I had written to a Jack Preston King review/discussion of the book How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett. From the little I have read of her work (I have not read her current book, which is the subject of Jack’s discussion) Dr. Barrett writes and thinks very much in the tradition of Patricia Churchland Smith, a neuroscientist/philosopher of great renown. That said I view her positions as misguided and she is the queen of the mereological fallacy often using the brain and the person interchangeably as she views them as one and the same. She also believes that if we fully understood everything about how the brain works, we could recreate particular states of consciousness. She is the ultimate reductionist and views consciousness as nothing more than a particular series of electro-chemical reactions in the brain which, like particular states of consciousness, we could replicate artificially if we fully understood. No body would be required for this miraculous achievement. My guess is the AI crowd is a big fan of her work, myself, not so much. I do not know if Dr. Barrett would go so far but it seems she commits the mereological fallacy almost as frequently. In any event, neither would fare well at the hands of Bennet and Hacker. In fact Dr. Churchland-Smith is a frequent target of their logical breakdowns of various neuroscientific studies and claims about the brain and consciousness, which they dissect and show to be in error point by point.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Psyche
In Surprise Move Osh Kosh B’Gosh Announces Major Rebranding Effort
The Oshkosh, Wisconsin based children’s clothing retailer will completely retool it’s lineup which had in recent years begun to move away from the famous denim overall for which it is most well known. New spokesmen Tracy Lauren Marrow (Ice-T) had this to say. “Look, everybody remembers Osh Kosh B’Gosh from when they was kids. That one kid in the hood everybody beat the hell out of at the bus stop, the fat one with the denim bib. I know you remember him. He wore that dumb shit and so we all wailed on him until he cried. Anyways, we found that weird-o and fixed him up real nice in some decent rags for once. That’s the new OkB.” The company move was thought to be motivated by the success of its current skip hop line of children’s wear. It remains to be seen if this latest retooling can save the flagging retailer’s whose profits were the lowest in ten years last quarter. Sector analysts were not impressed and many pointed to the failure of last year’s Mosh Kosh B’Gosh mosh pit themed summer roll out. “Sure it sounded like a clever idea to introduce a mosh pot themed line of children’s clothes, and the name had a nice ring to it, but it turns out most parents did not think it a good idea to encourage their children to gather in small spaces to repeatedly and aggressively slam into other children as the ad campaign suggested.” said retail analyst Tom Smoothe. He continued “Hey I love Law and Order SVU as much as the next guy, but I don’t know how much street cred the Ice-T name still holds. Back in the day when Body Count was tearin shit up with hits like cop killer the name meant something to the demographic OkB is targeting, but now I just don’t see it.” Ice-T then appeared suddenly behind Mr. Smoothe and pistol whipped him viciously saying “see that n*&g%a” dropped his 9mm to the ground from shoulder height, shrugged and walked away.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Styled
Coconut Oil Causes Cancer
A new study released today by researchers from Al Akhawayn University in Morocco suggests that coconut oil causes cancer in almost any human that uses it for even a brief period. Moroccan Ministry of Science spokesman Mohammed Alwan said of the findings “We always knew coconut oil was inferior to Moroccan argan oil in terms of its ability to control flyaway and frizz in human hair without leaving a greasy residue. And of course we knew it could not match the smoothing softness of argan oil when used as a skin conditioning treatment. However, few suspected until now that coconut oil actually causes cancer. These findings are shocking and saddening. To all the women and men who have explored coconut oil as an alternative to argan oil in hair and skin care products we can only say, I told you so.” Cancer researchers outside of Morocco were less enthusiastic about the findings suggesting bias on the part of Moroccan researchers. Harvard cancer doctor Bill Pullman said “The data in this so called study make zero sense and the sample size of 2 Moroccan goat herders is much to small to draw any statistically significant conclusions. The materials and methods section describes the procedure for producing argan oil in excruciating detail including the role of the Moroccan tree goat in the process, while the coconut oil used for the study was supposedly purchased at a local Wal-Mart. It s obvious that the study was rigged from the outset and that Moroccan financial interests in the argan oil market really drove the predetermined outcome.” Alwan shot back “Everyone knows Harvard medical is in the pockets of big coconut and has been from day one. Next thing you know the University of Hawaii will be weighing in for coconut oil. Bunch of ivory tower eggheads.” University of Hawaii spokesmen could not be reached for comment as they were currently at the beach sipping coconut milk directly from freshly fallen coconuts through giant twizzly straws.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Longevity
All* Of Your Predictive Analytics Questions Answered
What is predictive analytics? Learned sources define predictive analytics as the use of data, statistical algorithms and machine learning techniques to identify the likelihood of future outcomes based on historical data. I define it as educated guessing with math and statistics, computer powered tarot, or Elon Musk astrology. Essentially it is the tech hype version of fortune telling or handicapping. Also the learned sources need to get their learning on because statistical algorithms, really? In contrast to what, normal algorithms that don’t use math or statistics? Sloppy, very sloppy.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Futurism
Winter Vest Wearing Man Found Dead of Frostbite
A man wearing a winter vest was found dead of frostbite this morning near the sleepy town of Chenowith Hills, OH. Paramedics who responded to the seen reported that the man’s arms had frozen solid, completely cutting of normal circulation. “Perhaps not surprisingly for a winter vest wearing individual, the man’s back, chest, and stomach remained warm the entire time, but unfortunately it simply was not enough to stave off the bitter cold that ultimately killed him” said paramedic Tom Stevens, the first to arrive at the scene. Mr. Stevens continued “Let this serve as a warning to others who might consider a winter vest warm enough to protect you during the winter. That is simply not the case, and it is all too easy to be lulled into a false sense of security by the warmth you feel in your mid upper body. Never forget that with a winter vest on your arms are completely exposed to the elements.” After a brief pause Mr. Stevens concluded “Now that I think about the entire idea of a winter vest really doesn’t make a lot of sense does it?” The man’s family has said that he and his vest will be cremated next Tuesday and Chenowith Hills Funeral Home on East Main St. near the Dairy Queen.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Humans
Gynecologist Vs. Urologist
Author’s note: To protect the privacy of all persons involved, certain key facts have been altered. None of the alterations materially impact the story and any related to the medical facts of the case have been vetted for accuracy in the primary and secondary medical literature.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Longevity
Stoicism and Minimalism Are Great When They're Optional
The popularity of stoicism among the techgeoisie of Silicon Valley has been remarked upon by many. Most often the tone of such commentary takes a distinct form, befuddled praise. The befuddlement is expressed as wonder at why men (and they are almost always men) who seemingly have everything and want for nothing would subject themselves to voluntary deprivations. The praise flows from this amazement as it is then suggested that such a thing must require a great deal of self control, and humility, and other characteristics that these men most definitely do not possess. What they do not realize or choose to ignore is the fact that much like its still trendy sub genre minimalism, stoicism is a school of thought which is only available to the elite. When you have no fear of illness driving you to bankruptcy, can eat whatever you want whenever you want, have children who go to the best schools, and live in the safest neighborhood you don’t ever actually suffer. You are never actually deprived of anything except by choice. The nice thing about choosing to ‘suffer’ or choosing to deprive yourself of something or some things is that you can quit anytime it gets too hard. Go back to your life of privilege content in the knowledge that you now understand how the ‘other half lives.’ But you never really do, you never even come close, because you can’t understand. You simply are not capable of understanding, and probably never will be. If you did understand you would realize that pretending to be something you are not is the surest sign that what you are sucks.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in The Swamp
On Balance As A Goal Of Personal Development
The topic of balance came up in a recent conversation with a friend. She was relaying the results of one of those personality tests that claim they can classify your personality “type” based on certain behaviors, characteristics, and/or tendencies. There are hundreds but the vast majority are based on the Meyers-Briggs classification system which is itself an out-shoot of Karl Jung’s personality type theory. I have no intention of debating the merits of Jung’s theory in this post, like many theories in the social sciences, it has its proponents and detractors. Instead I will accept it as generally accurate and ask what that implies from a self improvement perspective.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Longevity
