satire
Health and Wellness satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Longevity digital space.
8 Ways to Spice Up Your Insomnia
We all suffer from the occasional sleepless night. Perhaps we’re excited about an event; maybe we’re worried about what our boss is going to say in that upcoming meeting, or it could be that we’re too busy combing through everything we should have said in a recent argument to get some shut-eye. But have you ever failed to fall asleep at all; every tiny sound only further fuelling the fire of adrenaline that you have raging inside your dumb anxious self? Or skated by for four days straight on just a couple hours of snoozing before the rest of the world rudely announced that it was time to wake up? I know I have!
By Outrageous Optimism 5 years ago in Longevity
THE 5 BEST AREAS OF YOUR HOUSE TO HAVE A MELTDOWN
A study conducted by The Harvard School of Public Health (2013), suggests that bottling up emotions increases your risk of premature death by more than 30%. Putting on a brave face when you’re down may seem like the mature thing to do, but you can’t hide your feelings forever. Because, let’s face it, 2020 was an absolutely garbage year. We’re locked in our houses during a terrifying world-wide pandemic, and no one knows when the madness will end. Therefore, if there's ever going to be a perfect time to have a full-blown adult tantrum it’s right now. Without further ado, here are the 5 best areas of the house to lose your sh*t!
By Keely Gilmour5 years ago in Longevity
Tips for Staying Safe This Lick-A-Doorknob Day
As we all know, International Lick-A-Doorknob Day is right around the corner, and while I’m certain our fellow revelers abroad will take as many precautions as possible, here in the United States, I am not so certain of our ability to control ourselves. In the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, our fellow Americans still traveled in record numbers to go be with loved ones for Thanksgiving and Halloween, and I fear more still will be traveling to go lick doorknobs with their friends and family across the country this December 11 when we all converge upon doorknobs and lick them. I would like to share a few tips and tricks for staying safe this Lick-A-Doorknob season, so we can all stay healthy in time for a Covid-19 vaccine early next year.
By Steven Christopher McKnight5 years ago in Longevity
The Last Bath
Baths are a strange contraption, I mean, you literally sit in a small collection of water that is slowly but surely getting dirtier by the second. The trouble with them is that the hassle begins way before you even step foot inside the tub. It starts way back at the stressful, anxiety-inducing precision of the ratio of hot and cold water you must strike. If you have a functioning bath that actually provides a medium temperature then read on because this part is for the muggles amongst us that only have two options when it comes to the temperature of the water coming out of the tap: boiling or frozen. What I usually do whenever I decide to indulge myself in one of these completely inconvenient traps of the bathing world is fill the first half with blisteringly hot water and then top it off with basically frozen tap water until my foot doesn’t get scolded when it dares to submerge itself below its depths. I usually add dead sea salts or something to the water to add a bit of luxury to proceedings.
By Patrick O'Brien6 years ago in Longevity
Pandemic
...Have you heard about the new virus that has been going around? OF COURSE you have!! The media has made it a priority to disperse the news about the Coronavirus, now called COVID 19, but unlike the H1N1 or the Ebola virus that have come and gone... this time they are making it to be a lot more aggressive than it is. It is starting to be called a pandemic.
By Must Love Dogs 6 years ago in Longevity
Coronavirus:The quirky side of COVID-19
I feel that if someone tells me one more time to "wash my hands" I might scream. They are even coming up with songs to use as a backing track for that 20-minute hand wash. You end up feeling like a surgeon, scrubbing up for the next op! But when you see what some people are doing in an effort to evade coronavirus, you sometimes have to laugh.
By Anne Sewell6 years ago in Longevity
Pride (and a Bus Pass) Will Get Me Everywhere!
“Pride goeth before a fall.” So, they say so. Perhaps I am not one to talk, but I can definitely (and easily) relate to this. There have been MANY instances where my pride has gotten in my way. Perhaps, I should have seen the fall coming, but pride always got in my way.
By Maurice Bernier6 years ago in Longevity
Doyle Syndrome
I had to check that there wasn’t a real illness called Doyle Syndrome prior to writing this post, and there isn’t, so we’re good. Although if there was, I’d just call it Mrs. Doyle syndrome — which may give you some idea as to where this is going. My memory was jolted by an article published on The Establishment, “This Is Why Consent Doesn’t Exist For Disabled Folks,” which goes in to the numerous ways in which disabled people are required to give more of themselves in order to get the same treatment as able-bodied people. An important issue it raises is the stripping of agency from disabled individuals by the able-bodied.
By Katy Preen8 years ago in Longevity
Torches of Freedom
I have brought you here today to bring attention to the fact that we have had a human right taken from us. We once had right, to do as we please, but that all changed once the sourpusses got hold of what we were doing. They whine and dine with their cheese, saying that “it is not good for us,” and “can harm our health.” Well, I am here today to snuff out their illegitimate complaints. These pessimists do not understand the beauty of human addiction, the kind of relationship that we gain as we go on. But thanks to them, we have had this constitutional right taken from us; our torches of freedom are extinguished. We cannot publicly smoke cigarettes anymore.
By Lydia Grace9 years ago in Longevity
